I don't know where to begin with this really. I've always suspected this woman I work with is passive aggressive.  There have just been too many instances at this point to think anything else.  Today, I decided to lead with doing the right thing and thank her for a sympathy card she had put on my desk while I was out on bereavement due to the dead of my mother. When this woman's mother died last year, I attended the wake with my boss and gave her a card. 

A little background:  A lot of stuff has gone down with this woman because my company wanted me to take a promotion with her and I refused.  I had picked up this vibe that she didn't like me (she tends to like women who are either excessively sweet or ones who act like victims and need her).  She's also one of those people who feels good by letting you know she is in charge.  I really don't have the patience for that sort of thing. When hr tried to influence me to take the job, I said I preferred to stay put.  I actually have a wonderful boss and we work very well together. 

So I tell her thank you for the card and she starts talking to me in this overblown exaggerated way about how sad it is that I couldn't get back home due to the storm to be with my mother.  Then she refers to herself and her mother and says AT LEAST I WAS ABLE TO BE WITH MY MOTHER!!!!  At this point I'm thinking wtf.  Does this person have an emotional filter, do they just blurt out anything with no thought of how it will affect the other person, or is this intentional to make me feel worse in an already bad situation because she doesn't like me and had done everything she possibly could to avoid me when she had the job in her department posted - maybe just maybe she believes only she has to right to reject people and refuse others and who was I to not want to work for her.  Maybe she's even capable of using something like my mother's death to try to make me feel worse in retaliation.

Ultimately, I don't give a flying fig what she thinks of me but I was left with any icy feeling when I left her office.  I did a good job of not looking too surprised and I took a breath and responded to her instead of reacting.  It wasn't easy, I am grieving my mother but I think I did pretty good with it. I told her I felt I had gotten closure because I talked with my mother the same day she'd been rushed to the hospital.  I then changed the subject to business and then left.  It did upset me because it raised to the surface again the sadness concerning losing my mother. Whether that was her intention I guess doesn't really matter.  What does matter is that despite her words, I'm not secondguessing the value of the last moments I spent with my mother by phone.  They were good and they are mine forever.  

In contrast to this woman, my own boss sent me the sweetest token of sympathy over the weekend and a special sympathy card and some cash because of my mom's passing. When I saw her this week, she apologized for not sending it sooner and said she was looking for this particular gift to send and wanted to wait until she found a store that had it. I was so touched by her gesture.

I am so grateful to understand how precious my serenity is today.  I'm glad I made the choice to respond and not react today to inappropriate behavior and then reminded myself of what my my sanity had looked like before I'd walked into that woman's office and took a breath and took my personal power to be at peace back again.

Thanks for letting me share with you.  TT