The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
abf was coming round with a curry and spend the night, he comes in and wanted me to watch a funny video on facebook, me, our son and him watched the video a couple of times (yeah it did make me chuckle) he kept saying you gotta watch it, you gotta watch it. I say to that "no i dont" and boom the atpmoshere changes, he says "I didnt mean that you had to watch it". Then our son says dont argue, the sad thing was it wasnt my 4 year old must be so used to atmosphere changes, and maybe it is me and my tone i honestly don't Know. Any way our son says be calm and that speaks volumes. (how sad). Anyway abf leaves and txts to say he didnt mean I had to watch it, i reply i know. He then rings me to say he is tired, and he is gonna have his curry. We say goodnight.
Next thing my phone rings it him, but he's rang by mistake, and i knew what i would hear and yep, hear him walking into the pub thats near him, I know i shouldnt be surprised but still my stomach dropped and the hurt, disappointment and anxiety all come rushing in. Man im angry, at myself at him for drinking..(I know that's what he will do). Then I have to remember...he doesnt live here i dont have to see or deal with him drunk and that makes me feel so much better, me and our son are safe from any drama.
I just needed to vent...already feel calmer. He is doing what alcoholics do. I dont have to be around it so I'm grateful for that, I am grateful that I am gonna go and watch a movie with our son, and spend time with him, he's growing so fast. I am grateful for choices, and boundries. Not sure if we will ever have a future, ond day at time.
Thanks for reading
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What a caterpiller calls the end of the world....God calls a butterfly
Enjoy your evening with your son. Grateful as well to share this journey, it's not always easy it is always better.
Hugs, P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
So how many meetings has the 4 year old been to? LOL HP uses who ever and what ever HP needs to to help us gain and maintain our serenity. I love the post because it is filled with growth and hope. Keep on keeping on. Give your boy some gratitude (for me that looks like sweet stuff) and smile cause you're getting it. (((((hugs)))))
I'm curious. If your bf comes in all excieted about a funny vid he saw on utube and wants to share the laugh with you and your son, why would you say no?
avid, it wasnt that he wanted to share the video, when we were living together, and near the end when the verbal abuse was pretty constant, he repeated himself, was quite forceful in his views so when he says to me over and over you gotta watch it, it brings alot of anger and resentment to the surface. Stuff i need to deal and heal on my side. it wasnt just twice it was on and on and i reacted to be told to do something, it may have been taking out it of contrast by me in fact it was, but living with an alcoholic who wanted to make himself feel better by putting me down or telling me what i should be like, has made me a little crazy.
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What a caterpiller calls the end of the world....God calls a butterfly
