The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So my moms 72 bday. My daughter and her fiance my 7 yr old all meeting at small restaurant to eat. My AH showed up early. I get a phone call he has ordered appitizers for everyone (It was a nice idea but he doesnt even know what anyone wants .. one of his drinking signature moves.. ordering for ppl and then if its not what they want acting like we're horrible and he was just being thoughtful.. blah blah )
So he sits there for 15 minutes or so. I didnt call and rush everyone. He knew the time we would be there. When everyone got there we ordered and so did he. He was steadily drinking (no telling how long before we got there and even he got there)
He was being obnoxius taking over conversations and argueing when no one agreed with is point of view. I totally ignored his behaviour rolling my eyes at one point when my daughter was trying to explain what she was telling him while he argued. She understood my cue.. as if saying .. No poiint .. he's not in listening condition.
As ppl started leaving, he also choose to leave and told our 7 yr old to ride with him. I said its ok hun he can ride with me ... course that didnt happen and without a HUGE fight/scene they left. We arrived home shortly after them. I didnt bring up anything.. not giving silent treatment just being polite and avoidance as much as possible.
This morning I txtd him at work .. ignoring all the txts I had recieved night before asking me what was wrong with me? etc
I said hope your day is going well. I am saying this one time and it is not up for discussion, debate or arguement. If you drink even one beer, You will not drive our child anywhere no matter how close.
I also told our child .. if someone is drinking even one drink, you dont know how much they drank before you saw them with that one. You do not ever get in a car with them. You ride with me or your sister. It is for your safety. If they get pulled over they will go to jail and they will take you to foster care (strangers) until I can get there or they can reach me. If I say ride with me.. No questions.. yes maam will work.
"Getting them sober" is giving me knowledge to not "fight" and let him push my buttons. I use to be so embarrasssed to be out and him drunk.... last night I thought He should be embarrassed, and with no reactions from me.. I think this morning he was thinking ..what just happened. And I feel like I won becasue I got my point across without yelling and tears !! YAY ME
__________________
..."expecting the world to treat you fairly because your a good person, is like expecting a bull to not attack you because your a vegetarian "
this probably isnt huge for anyone else... when it comes to fight or flight .. I am definately a fighter, not much scares me when Im angry ... so I was very proud of me .... calm and rational !!! SO NOT ME when hes drinking ... but I feel good about it
__________________
..."expecting the world to treat you fairly because your a good person, is like expecting a bull to not attack you because your a vegetarian "
I think you handled it beautifully! I even like that you have the attitude on the situation that you are not embarassed about his behaivor. He should be and you did nothing. Keep strong and remember one day at a time.
You have done SO WELL with this. And to me this kind of behaviour from AH was enough for me to spend the next few days totally beside myself with rage, shame, sadness etc. Thank heaven for Al Anon and the programme, you are amazing xx
That is the program in action Sweetr...absolutely "Yay" for you. I am also a fighter so it was hard for me to do anything that wouldn't result in my specialty..."fighting"...I was addicted the adrenalin of the fight and so not engaging and working the program was recovery level. You done very good. ((((hugs))))
Yay you! I can tell when I have handled an upsetting situation with my AH correctly by the way I feel afterwards. Drained or empowered. Sounds like you are feeling empowered today.
__________________
"Just being there for someone can sometimes bring hope when all seems hopeless." - Dave G Llewellyn
you are working a great programme, reading your post as sure most of us have been in that kind of situation. great esh, also gotta say that what wornoutmrsfixit put about dealing with the A's in our life if we are left drained or empowered is a mark if we are acting in the right way.
__________________
What a caterpiller calls the end of the world....God calls a butterfly
