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Monday is court and all this came about because of a different court date that is coming in 2 weeks. He is being such a jerk it's not funny. The last text I have responded to is actually about a week ago. He had the last two statements in it and I am way way way ok .. the harrassment is mind blowing. It facinates me he can't go that long without needing contact and yet I have done just fine. It is still frustrating that I just don't want to be a part of the chaos he has going on. Yes, when the last text has the statement "Game on" .. LOL .. I'm going oookkkk .. I will not be responding to this or anything else that doesn't have anything to do with the kids. That is my boundary. I have seen him and I was pleasant because there is no need to be rude .. I have this thing about it's court it's not personal .. LOL. There is absolutely zero I can do about resolving anything at this point without going TO court so why stir the pot.
Sooooo .. fast forward to a week later, literally to the day. This past week he told the kids to tell me that he would get the tree out of the shed and I just said to them I have not decided if we are getting a live tree or if we'll get the one out of the shed. He's been so crazy over the past few years that I have no idea if the tree is one place or what else is going on. I also don't know what side of crazy he is on at this point and time. Mr Crazy Pants is coming more and more and I like him so NOT! I have no responded by choice .. there is nothing to say if I decide I would like him to get the tree out I will have him do it after court. I have a feeling we'll wait until a little while later after court date. You know he doesn't know what will happen, I don't know what will happen, the atty's don't know what will happen .. it's all up to the judge.
Soooo again I lost my point .. LOL .. well, he text me and asked if he could have a standing fan we have in the shed for his mom. Now .. I know 2 wrongs don't make a right .. 3 lefts make a right ... right? Is this a boundary or is it control? I truly do not want him here, why do I need to waste my time and gas to go over there .. I feel like after how he has treated me over the past 4 weeks honestly I'm just not there to put myself out there again and be kicked. Yes, I could do this without the expectation that he's going to be anyone else than he already is .. liar, thief, cheat and a drunk. He is active in his disease and those are things for him to deal with. The kids and I have had a marvelous weekend. The main computer has a virus, I can't get the dang DVD player to work and they have had the best time ever .. LOL .. I may do this again very soon. They have played, talked and just had a good time all the way around. I'm listening to giggling at the moment writing letters and doing spread sheets .. I take this court stuff way way way seriously .. LOL. I have no motivation for doing anything for him or sending the message it's ok to continue to treat me badly because he's angry with me.
As far as his mom goes .. I have been informed point blank the kids are my problem, these are his words not his mom's. I have visited her when she's been ill. I will run errands for her from time to time .. I haven't for a long time now. His mom not my mom, I do not have a relationship with her and I don't care to soil myself with that toxic enviornment. She's a drunk too and her health is horribly bad. Smoking and drinking have taken their toll and the natural consequence is she will basically drown and suffocate .. soooo sad.
As I check my motives there is no need for me to rush in and rescue either of them. I'm not his friend nor do I want to be .. he's not the kind of person I would choose to be friends with .. now .. give me some time and perspective about ohhhh .. 10 - 15 years and maybe .. today .. not today and that is my choice. There is already a ton I have let go of however I have a lot more work to do. I don't really feel anything except the need to protect myself considering court is tomorrow and some of the vial things he has text and said to me I prefer no contact. I think he's a little shocked that I'm not running around begging for him not to have a court date tomorrow and the reality is God has this regardless of the outcome. The kids and I will be ok.
Very honestly based upon tomorrow's outcome there may be another court date in 2 weeks at the rate things are going I might be able to be divorced in 2013 woo hooo!! Maybe before summer that would be amazing truly, it's a weird feeling .. I have sadness and I have a little regret .. I have to say this has been one of the most amazing years of my life and I am soooo grateful for this site, for what I've been able to do this year and for many amazing opportunities yet to come. I feel so very positive when I'm not focused on the whole divorce/court issues. Those will come and go at this point and it's all ok.
Anyway, thanks for reading I just was working through a few things, hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I loved your post also. You are really taking care of yourself and your family. You stay on your side of the street and keep it clean. You take the high road. You leave the outcomes to your higher power. Fantastic!!!
It's slowly starting to sink in .. it's taken a while. I'm talking about my part and my side of the street it is not easy for me to get my brain around. We are talking two years of program, this past year FINALLY getting a sponsor and getting down to working the steps and adding the AA stuff to the mix.
I was just informed by him after setting the boundary that if it's not about the kids please stop texting and/or calling me. I will see him after court. Thank you. (LOL .. yes I threw that in as well .. LOL .. gotta keep it polite). There is no court tomorrow. I was like WTH?! Yes, there is court tomorrow so he may be just messing with me to get a response and NOOOOOO I did not respond. Good Pushka Good Pushka .. and I want you to all know how hard that boundary was to set and how hard it was NOT to respond to his crazy talk as if I had never said anything. I DID NOT!!! I am in complete amazement of how far I have come and I am grateful for all of the hard work and having someone say something once if they have said it a thousand times it's always what i need to hear. That boundary I shook while I sent the text and felt like I was doing something wrong. UGH .. that was really really really hard. It is so easy to say set a boundary and then I had to do it and now I know how hard it is to actually have to tell someone!!!! Geeze .. I was on the phone with my sponsor .. LOL!!!
The bottom line is he sent another 3 texts and I did not respond. He must be floored in all honesty. He didn't like it I know that .. I just allowed him to keep talking to himself basically. It finally ended with maybe YOU have a court date I don't. Oookkkk .. if you say so is what I was thinking I will be at the court house with bells on I don't care if he's there or not. I have never been so detached or unavailable to him in terms of not falling over myself all because he's being nice .. ugh .. if that's nice you can imagine the mean behavior must be pretty bad. I am feeling so much better about myself. I am feeling pretty proud of the accomplishments of this past week. I am just in a really great place to be headed into court. Interestingly enough this is the same date as the past court date in July.
It's getting easier not to get sucked in and I think it's because I am choosing not to have so much contact with him and without Alanon I would not be in that place of choosing not to see him.
Thanks, I'm working hard and I'm just sooo grateful that Alanon is a part of my life. I was bad this weekend and last weekend I haven't made it to my sunday meeting .. there is soooo much to do and I am soooo grateful for that.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
