The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I haven't been on here in quite some time. I could make a ton of excuses, but I'm not. Just laziness I guess! lol Last time I posted something, I was in a very depressed state. I had been seperated from AH for just 2 weeks. I left our house in Aug., because I found out that he started drinking again after being in the hospital w/ pancreatitis. At this moment, he has not had a drink in 2 1/2 weeks. I'm still staying with my parent's though, because he is now on pills. He just traded one thing for another. His anger is uncontrolable at moments, and sometimes I question his sanity. He has been talking about rehab, but I know he is not ready at the moment. I've had 2 open and honest talks with him in the past 2 days, before he had taken anything. I told him that important discussions will not be had unless he is sober. (Meaning alcohol OR pills.) Let me back up a bit and say that I have yet to find a face to face al anon meeting within 45 minutes of where I live. I found some literature at a local Goodwill and have been reading through it. I recently started going to Celebrate Recovery, and I start going to the co-dependents group this coming Tuesday night! All of this, coupled with a 3 month long dark depression, many sleepless nights praying, and the prayers of others, I can finally say I am feeling free and happy again! It's going to be a long road ahead for me, but that's what my focus is; MY recovery. I will no longer let my husbands addictions have control over the both of us. I have tried to fix him for so long. What an exhausting, never-going-to-be-accomplished job!! I cannot control a grown man (even if he isn't acting like one)! So many moments of clarity have come my way! I really don't know where the marriage is going. He wants to work things out, but I told him that we have to work on ourselves before we can work on us as a couple. I never thought I would come to terms with the fact that my husband may not ever be better. I never thought there would come a day when my heart wouldn't feel like it is slowly ripping. Don't get me wrong, I still hurt for my husband, and I do still get down and out. It's just that I am slowly coming to realise that my life must go on, even if my husbands' seems to be standing still. That's where I'm at right now! I just wanted to give a little update! :)
Welcome back. Sounds like you're finding what recovery tools work for you and are settling into your new life one day at a time. Thanks for sharing. Keep coming back. Hugs. TT
__________________
Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
So glad to see you back and hope you will keep coming back!!
Hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Keep coming back. You know now what you want..... HAPPINESS!! AlAnon will help. They will hold you up when you feel tired. They will take care of you when you can't. They will lovingly encourage you when you feel down. Yes, your hubby will never be the same as he used to be in the good ole days, but then, neither are you.
Remember, you are powerless over whatever he is doing. If he wants the pills to take care of his ouwies then he will turn to the pills. If he wants what AA can give him, he knows where to find that.
