I'm at my wits end with my mother lately. I'm a 23 year old guy and I recently moved home due to some financial issues and losing my job. When I was living on my own with my friends in an apartment, my mother was sober for a WHOLE YEAR. I thought her issues with alcoholism were over. Little did I know..

I moved back here around September of 2012. I saw the empty whine bottle and she was passed out on the couch. I felt like I was happy until I saw this. All of those bad memories flooded back of her being verbally abusive toward me; calling me a loser, saying that I will amount to nothing in life, all of that.

I picked up her whine glass, and poured it out. She got up and started SCREAMING at me, saying that I need to get a life and leave her alone. I told her I was doing it because I love her not because I have no life. Then she attempted to hit me. I blocked her and told her that she needs to take a seat and calm down. She started crying and began saying how much she hates me for feeling this way.

All sorts of my old insecurities started to flood my mind that I thought I had forgotten. Being betrayed by my own mother and constantly being lied to invokes a lot of inner demons within you. I started getting into fights (physically and verbally) with people left and right. I have this constant belief that everyone is out to get me and just wants to take something from me. I even went to the hospital one night after fighting some guy who was talking a bunch of crap to me at a party. Had to get some stitches. 

My insecurity then progressed even more. I started to believe my girlfriend was cheating on me. I felt like I couldn't trust anyone anymore. When she'd hangout with my friends and I, I would get jealous even if she spent a tiny moment speaking to them and not me. I have no idea why, I'm not usually like that.. But it just happened. She was beginning to become very irritated with me, so I explained my whole situation to her and how I was going to recover from this temporary neurosis that I felt was being invoked through my attachment to my mother and (what I felt) was her betrayal, and that I felt that I can't trust anyone if the people who brought me onto this Earth (my parents) can say such hateful and spiteful things.

Luckily, my girlfriend is still with me, and with this website I have learned that what my mother is saying isn't true. They're just the demons of alcohol warping her mind and putting her in a dark place. 



So now, I feel as though that I am at a cross roads. I really need to get out of this abusive environment if I wish to excel, prosper, and live a happy life. However, I am worried about my mother. I constantly worry that she's going to die from alcohol poisoning.

The other night she fell (after I had just come home from driving to an al-anon meeting, but my anxiety kept me from entering and attending the meeting.. So I turned around). She was bleeding profusely from her mouth, and I had to clean her lesion with some hydrogen peroxide and apply pressure with paper towels to stop the bleeding.  She then proceeded to tell me how much she hated me for seeing her in this state. I told her "I don't care how much you hate me, I'm not going to let you lay on the kitchen floor in your own blood.. You need help."

Then tonight, she had a few drinks.. She was obviously wasted. She told me she was going to her boyfriend's house for a Christmas party. I told her "I hope you're not driving. You've had too much to drink. Call up ___ and ask him to pick you up please?" She told me to go "xxxx" myself picked up her keys and left the house. I wanted to call the police on her, but I really did not want to see her go to jail and have to bail her out.

I constantly have to clean up after her around the house too. She will sometimes hide beer in the freezer, it will freeze and explode.. Getting frozen and liquid beer all over the frozen food. She'll leave her empties on the living room floor and just leave food out everywhere.

One night a few years ago, she even almost burned down the house. She was smoking a cigarette in the living room (I have asked her plenty of times to please not do it because the smell irritates my eyes and throat) and dropped it (while blacked out) lighting part of the rug on fire. Luckily I was home and happened to walk into the living room just a few seconds after it happened and was able to throw a pot of water on the flames. If I had been even a MINUTE TOO LATE.. The house would be UP IN FLAMES.

This is a dangerous, and emotionally abusive environment I am living in, I really wish I could just say "screw it" and never talk to my mother again.. But I know that the alcohol is what evokes this dr jekyll mr hyde personality in her. I know I need to get away from this all and never come back for the sake of my own sanity. Can someone give me some insight to my situation? I feel as though I'm having fantasies of abandoning my own mother which I don't want. But it really seems to be the only option at this point if I wish to remain sane and not neurotic.