The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I think I'm working my program, but why do I feel so stressed when setting boundries and staying firm with them. I hate to have to have any contact with my A's. always some drama or dysfuction goin on. Every time I show them any kindness, they come on full force, and I have to detach physically, emotionally and mentally. I try to keep the spiritual connection going, it's so draining dealing with a/a's and all the issues they bring with them.
Thank you for being here, just had to stand firm again, and I feel frustrated and stressed.
Gettingitright!!
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Just go a step at a time, one day at a time. And you'll find a rich, thankful life you never thought you could afford.--A Rogers
I know the stress and the drama you are describing. I dicovered that it came from my expectations. As soon as I tried to set up my new -old boundaries, i expected the A to respect them on the spot. well, this wasn't happening, because I set up boundaries and didn't take them too serious myself, because I was to scared of my own change. I was scared of the reactions that might come up, now I had these boundaries. Would I be loved less, would I be left, woud I be laughed at. Yes i was laughed at, at first , by the A. because he didn't take them seriously...because he coudl feel my insecurity..and he was feeling right. I was insecure in this new thing. But I didn't give up, I put them up, again and again...with effort and the will that I wnated and needed to change. So I'm trying these new things, caled boundaries. Every day, I risk a little bit more territory, and which was frightening at first, gives me now more space to breathe, I honestly take myself more seriously now, and so does the A, oh surprise.
If you need to detach more from the A, be is physically or mentally...well you have th eright to do it, if it serve your purpose of change, of serenity and clearthinking. We need that time and space to get our own feeling back, our own taste for life. that doesn't mean we are leaving, giving up...but FOR NOW, we choose to detach a little bit. I comes first, I deserve pampering, I need to breathe and I need to think of what I want and need in MY life.
Relax..and work the program..the rest will follow..or not...but you are still relax
New behavior feels awkward and it doesn't feels like it fits because it's not the normal thing I've been doing this whole time.
That's when I know I'm changing is when I try something new and it does cause some anxiety, it's only a moment not a lifestyle and it will pass. So give it time .. doing something new the first time is always a little scary. Yes what T said .. it's not going to stick the first time .. nothing ever does .. I know I have to keep doing the healthy behavior before people get I mean what I say, say what I mean and I try very hard not to say it mean.
Be very gentle with yourself new behavior is not easy it will get easier with time. The more confidence you get the more you will know it's the right thing for you.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
