Newbie needs help - Al-Anon Family Group

Sarah325 · Member

Newbie needs help

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome Again Sarah

I am glad that you started a new topic. I do so understand the pain and confusion that you are experiencing. I too tried to force sobriety with my son and the more I tried the more he drank

Alcoholism is a disease that we did not cause, cannot control and cannot cure. Living with this disease we become isolated and confused. Al-Anon is a fellowship of friends and relatives of alcoholics who understand as few others can. We share our experience, strength and hope in order to solve our common problems

I t would be very helpful for you to search out alanon face to face meetings in your community and attend. You can find such meetings

By going to the following link:

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html

Please keep coming back here and sharing

Sarah325 · Member

Thanks for the response...I attended an aa meeting with my a niece last week, quite an eye opener...I have read a decent amount about alcoholism over the years...I understand the enabling, or at least I thought I did...if I allow her to come back here and drive her everywhere am I just delaying the inevitable? it kind of seems like I am trying to fix it, and of course I can't she has to. She will tell me whatever I want to hear...my wonderful husband wants to help her, says she cannot do this by herself...do I make her take a breath a liter every time I take her somewhere?

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Dear Sarah

I understand. I know people who have tried using all sort of testing methods but were never able to stop the insanity.

You and your husband are very loving people so please understand that your niece does not have to do this alone. The program of AA recommends that a new person gets a "Sponsor" and telephone numbers of members that they see at the meetings. When they feel lost or like drinking they should call these people for the support and understanding that we cannot give them.

We who live with the disease also need support and recovery. Check out the Face to Face Alanon meetings for yourselves and use the tools suggested.

There is hope

Sarah325 · Member

Thanks, for your support.
She has been going to lots of meetings, multiples most days, has lots of phone numbers, she called them too, usu after she drinks I think! I have been reading other posts tonight...we were doing some wrong things for sure...fixing things for her...promising things if she did what she promised--we were going to take her to Dw this weekend...now I certainly don't want to...but when left to her own devices, she drinks in a dark room...do I just let her do that? tell her to call me when she is sober? sober for 10 days? Not that I have any way of knowing that...

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Sarah and you and your husband have done and are saying what most or many of us have done with the same result. It doesn't work and I was told in early Al-Anon "If it doesn't work...stop doing it or it will drive you crazy"...it drove me crazy and then I drove myself into the program after my HP opened the door for me.

Your niece isn't sober and hasn't been sober. Sober is something very very different than dry. It has been the short dry periods which have given you hope and where you have made your promises however alcoholism is a very cunning, powerful and baffling foe and the disease isn't a moral issue...not about good or bad and about sick.

Some AA meetings allow fellows into the meeting under the influencne and often its with the caveat that they listen and not speak; they don't know about staying sober and need to listen only. "The only requirement is the desire to stay sober". Your niece may have the desire and with the alcohol still which trumps everything else. It is amazing that very little to no intention to help them works and they will continue to drink. It is a compulsion of the mind and an allergy of the body. Even her body is rejecting the chemical and yet the compulsion pulls her back. You are watching the earliest form of chemcial addiction...thousands of years older than the birth of the Christ.

The suggestion of you and your husband checking into the face to face meetings for the Al-Anon Family Groups is probably the best idea going. You will get to hear our experiences with the disease as family members and when you listen to the similarities you will come to understand you are not alone at all.

Keep coming back (((((hugs))))) smile

MeTwo2 · ~*Service Worker*~

it's a tough situation to be in .. I remember hearing one time a story about a woman who had the courage, which some would call audacity, to attend the meetings smelling of alcohol .. what jumps to my mind is progress not perfection .. I know i used to get surprised everytime the alc in my life would be beaten by his disease .. a ride to AA may or may not be different than a ride to anywhere else .. who knows .. higher power may or may not do for them what they can't do for themselves .. put someone in their lives, find them a sponsor or at least one who understands as we can't, etc..

dinner ? may or may not be a different type of deal .. whatever you decide, I hope you keep coming and give the alanon a try .. amazing program ..

a share in a meeting that may or may not help .. I listened to a member who spoke of what was in their son's 'best interest. He mentioned he was realising what was in his 'best interest won't always be in his happiest or smoothest .. So when he came home drunk and passed out on the living room floor, was it really in his '' best '' interest to be walked upstairs and made to feel comfortable, tucked in bed, to erase the experience .. or .. could it be that his best interest was to be left on the floor to '' feel the embarrassment and discomfort of his own behavior .. Willingness generally comes through pain .. If we are always removing that pain, we prolong the process of them tiring out and becoming willing to change, etc ... however, noone can decide what is the best plan for anyone .. alcoholism is such an ugly disease .. helps me to remember it's not just a drinking disease, it's a thinking disease ..

I think back on the A and also remember when I thought we both knew there was a problem .. for him, alcohol wasn't the problem, it was the solution .. It was giving him freedom from his despair, courage, serenity, etc .. I know for me, I was really drawn to the emotional rollercoaster of his problem too .. the chaotic excitement .. (this was my experience only) .. at times, i even thought recovery might be boring without the excitement, but I remember one time sitting in a meeting .. it was the first time i had ever felt true serenity and it felt better than Anything I'd ever experienced.. from then on i wanted more and it was never boring again ..

whatever you decide, i wish you the best .. thoughts are with you tonight .. keep coming back

Sarah325 · Member

thanks for the support, I appreciate it...I shall return! am I channelling Douglas MacArthur now? :)

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.