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I'm new. Hi -everyone. :) I'm a mom of 3 girls, age 4 and twins who are almost 3. My husband and I have been together for about 10 years, he's a drinker. About twice a year since I've know him, I have tried to talk with him re. his problem. He usually tames down a bit for a few days, but then it goes back to same old. There's always an excuse. Stressed over: building a house, having our first child, having twins, being a parent of 3 under 18mos, buiding and addition, getting a promotion "being the boss", it goes on and on...of yeah my favourites are "its summer time" "its Christmas"...
I'm actually surprised he's still alive. He drinks (I'm in Canada so..) at least 3/4 of a 40oz. bottle (1.1L) of rum a night. He does the rum and coke thing. He starts as soon as he walks in the door at 5:30pm and drinks away until about 9:30pm, which is when he decides to eat our dinner left-overs. Maybe 2-3 Sundays a month, he may skip drinking, but then he lounges around like he's sick of something....watches movies all day.
Every morning he gets up and chugs a half bag of milk, then goes into the bathroom and throws it all up. What fun - I hear it all! He's thrown up every morning for the last 10 years. He says its a "reflex problem" lol
My oldest daughter (4) I thought was sick, she was always begging for food, over the last 6 months - like begging. Turns out there's nothing wrong with her, she's just looking for attention. This all confirmed by the doc this wk. He suggested planning more activities with her, organized sports etc.. More one on one time, without her little twin sisters. The doc kept asking me what we did for "Fun" as a family. LOL
So, of course, we have fun around the house, we fish, we play outside, my husband just built the girls an ice rink. BUT we don't go anywhere! We never leave the property and you all know why.
I have one of these "functioning alcoholics" I think. He actually gets up every day at 6am and drives an hour to his job, where he's the boss of a dept. (25 people), at a "higher-education" institute. They all think he's great of course! Which really makes me mad - they all tell me how what a great guy he is. So annoying!
He drinks by himself. What he does is, he cleans or does laundry or does "man-work" outside to justify the drinking. I think he does these chores or whatever so he doesn't look like the "typical" alcoholic. He likes to keep moving is what I'm trying to say while he's drinking.
Anyway - I'm tired of the attitude, me being on edge all the time, the silence!, I rarely share anything anymore, I feel like I stopped talking to him really, although he's in my house. Tired of the barfing, the slurring that kicks in around 8pm, me making excuses to everyone re. why he's not there, the moodiness, the random rants about current affairs/news, the lack of planning anything, being a family stuck in the house. One thing I'd like to do is go out for dinner as a couple! Can't do that - cuz it would cost too much, all that booze. Oh yeah - the battles of gout he gets about 3 times a year....oh the whining! The $800 he drains from out account every month. I could use that for other things for the family.
There is a meeting tonight in my town, I just found it. I think I should go - its at 8pm, I'll have to think of an excuse to get out of the house. Thanks for reading. I'm just so tired of it all - I don't know anyone that drinks this much!
Thanks KACan,
You should go to that meeting. It will help immensely.
One thing I learned is that I can't do anything to stop the alcoholic from drinking (my dad). All the bargaining, negotiating, name-calling, hiding the booze, dumping it, only made him want to drink more. I learned I was also sick in the way I acted and reacted to things. I continue to go to Al-Anon to heal myself and work on myself. The alcoholic will only stop drinking once they've hit rock bottom.
Keep coming back
I used to drink that much and I used to throw up every morning too. It was sheer hell. I think the meeting will help you a lot. You deserve support and to take care of yourself while you have all these responsibilities as the sober one in the marriage and the only really active parent of your young children.
As for him - He has to get miserable enough to want to change. That's gonna be rough to observe if you stick around for it. Good news is that alanon is here for you to find spiritual answers and practical support from folks who have been or are in your shoes now.
