The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
For me, when I got sick and tired of being sick and tired... after I kept doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result. It takes a while to acquire "the wisdom to know the difference" ( from the serenity prayer.) Took a few 2x4's to the head before I decided, "I don't want to do that again." we play a part in our own suffering, we harm ourselves with our choices, we begin to see that in step 4. My sponsor taught me, if you got a resentment, INVENTORY IT. with every resentment. it's the way to clarity and peace. we can choose differently.
It helped me when I was told, my kids are not "MY" kids, they belong to Higher power. as a mother, I was only the vehicle for them to get to earth. God is in full control. Sometimes it doesn't feel like it, I know. but today, my serenity comes first. I can keep telling myself life shouldn't look like "this." but that thought screws me up more than anything. and is precisely why I need al-anon. I'll keep coming back with you ((hugs))
Ooops, I forgot.... I love the title of your post. to me, the most practical thing in the world is to ask for a miracle. The miracle is a shift in our thinking. so when life feels unmanageable to me, step two often looks like this, just a sincere little prayer:
"God, I am willing to see this differently. Please help me."
I cannot even begin to convey with words what happens when I do that. God could and would "if" He were sought. It's my job to seek, and to ask.
Take what you like, my friend.
-- Edited by glad lee on Sunday 25th of November 2012 08:46:59 PM
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
I knew this would start. My son now called me telling me he can't drive because his battery is dead. He said he had a appointment with the counselor today...SUNDAY??? ... right. I just said I'm sorry but I can't help because I don't want it all to start again. He asked what I was talking about trying to get into it with me about his drinking and getting help. I'm happy with myself I didn't go there and just stopped talking. He then said he was sorry for calling complaining about his battery. I said it was OK and I love him and told him I'm sure he would find a way to get the car working again. Left it there....
This is so hard....all I think is poor kid...I should help..... dang! he's 35 years old. Why do I still think he's still a kid.
When does it get easier? :(
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
So glad that you've found us. It's funny how the distorted world of the addict tries to become our world. What I mean is that in most people's lives, when a 35-year-old guy has a car problem, he does one of several things: solves it himself, takes it to the garage, takes it over to a buddy's house so they can work on it together, calls a friend and they work on it together, even hauls out his bike. Most adult men's first port of call is not to ask their mother for money. But I've seen this so often with addicts and alcoholics. It's like their official approach to problem-solving is, "When a problem happens, hand it over to someone to take care of it for me." And they do it so consistently that it becomes a new normal. Both for them and for us.
Now, an 85-year-old woman with a dead battery, I can see if she'd call a family member to come bail her out. Though actually my 85-year-old aunt would have been in there testing and yanking out wires with the best of them.
It takes some fortititude to withstand the guilt-inducing and the wheedling of an addict trying to get someone else to do something for him. It's most uncomfortable before we have much practice, when we've just begun to adopt healthier habits. So I guess that's cause for congratulations! -- your discomfort means that you're on the road to greater serenity and to letting your son be a real adult.
I have a hard time getting my hubby on the 'tough-love bandwagon' when it comes to our son being able to get to work. If he has a car problem, hubby wants to jump in & help so that he can get to work - without giving any thought to the fact that he may have spent enough money on vodka to have bought a battery!!!!!!
It gets easier when you detach. He will stop running to you with every problem and you will stop responding. Nothing hard is happening to you specifically. For example: With this car battery, it's not happening to you....It's happening to him. You just have to let him go through it and stop making it your problem. Let your HP handle it. Have you tried making a God box yet?
