The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
only an alcoholic can tell you that i think, but what i see from my a is that he is shameful,guilty and lost. Maybe if you read through some of the post on the aa message board that may help.
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What a caterpiller calls the end of the world....God calls a butterfly
Jane Alcoholism is a physical, mental and spiritual disease over which we are powerless.
WE who live or have lived with this disease stop taking care of our feelings and needs . We believe if we keep the focus on the alcoholic trying to: understand their feelings, their motives, their drives that cause the insanity we will be able to control it and fix it. Unfortunately we are powerless over this disease and are wasting our time.
It is important to ask what are we feeling, what do we need, what can we do to help ourselves. Attending alanon meetings, breaking the isolation is the beginning of our recovery .
Please check out meetings and keep coming back here You deserve to feel happy.
It will help you more to focus on what you are going through after a break up rather than trying to mind read a sick alcoholic and second guess their intentions. What about you?
This is said with love and caring. Not to judge. I read your other posts and hate to see you hurting and struggling so much. The answers do not lie in understanding him. It's in understanding you.
Yep, I have to agree with what the others have said.... give me 100 A's who relapse, and I'd say there are (at least) 100 unique sets of emotions that they are having after said relapse....
Right now - your attention lies solely on him, and what he is/isn't doing.... (don't feel bad - each and every one of us has "been there, done that"). You will likely want a little bit of information on "why" he is doing what he is doing, but try to keep it to that kind of ratio..... spend 90% of your recovery time focussing on you and your child, and 10% on your A, and you'll find the answers all in due time....
Keep coming back
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
It is hard to understand and may feel as if we are stonewalling you but what everyone here says is correct. To be focused on him, means you are already sick. The disease sucks us in because that is what it does. The disease needs someone to take care of it, and allow it to grow. It's like a cancer in a bottle and in order for that cancer to grow it needs a very nurturing environment and feeds on those who are "helpers".
If you step back and focus on you, and your own recovery and what you and your child need, that will be the first best step of them all to helping him. He has to be 100% responsible for his recovery and how he runs it. That means we have to allow the A to fail or succeed and step back and let it happen.
We all know how hard this is and how confusing it seems but everyone here has been where you are.
