My oldest child turns 13 today.  Over the weekend, my dad stopped by on his way out of town to take us all out for lunch to celebrate.  He gave my daughter a very, very nice gift (combination birthday and Christmas), and then unloaded three big bags of Christmas presents into the trunk of my car.  We have had very frank conversations about the effect my layoff will have on Christmas.  As he unloaded the bags, he told me that there were a couple of Christmases when he was out of work (I remember well...I was the same age as my oldest daughter), and his mom bought most of the Christmas presents for my brother and me those years.

My dad and I had a tough time when I was a kid.  My family of origin was pretty dysfunctional (although not NEARLY as bad as what many others grow up with, and nothing like what I deal with now with my AH), and while I was growing up I blamed all of it on my dad.  As a young adult (early 20s) I had the opportunity one summer to spend a lot of time with him, and that was when I really started to understand that the only people who really know what goes on in a marriage are the two people in it.  I started to understand how things had been hard for my dad, too, and how my mom had of course contributed to the dysfunction in our home.  Neither of my parents are/were alcoholics, but there was plenty of co-dependent behavior.  But for the past 12 years or so, I've had a much more balanced view of my parents.

My dad has never been a hugely involved parent/grandparent, but since my mom died in March, he has clearly been stepping it up, trying to make memories with the kids and be a support system for me.  Today I am feeling grateful for him, and the relationship we have today.