The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Tonight, I was at an Open meeting in my area. There is a member that I speak with every week and we are about the same age. Tonight, I asked with a smile 'When are you speaking?' and they looked a little flustered at my question. I then added 'Because I submitted your name'. The look on their face dropped as though I had embarased them. I then jumped in and said 'no, i'm kidding. You can't submit names to speak'. They advised the joke was not funny and in bad taste as they were still getting to know the program. I agreed and apologized.
I still felt bad about it on the way home. So I called my sponsor and they told me a similar story about how they've made jokes and hurt people's feelings.
Aloha Jim...no I'm perfect and you're the only one here that isn't...I'm only kidding of course. Yes I've overstepped my boundaries around the family group myself and got caught at it. I forgot that many members came in hurt to the stem and carried that hurt longer than I did into recovery. The 10th step is golden for these occasions..."and when I was wrong...promptly admitted it". Don't grovel...do it and then move on. Good progress. ((((hugs))))
I agree with Jerry, .. you owned it and it's time to stop beating yourself up about it. I have a very warped sense of humor so I'm always into trouble .. LOL. It is what it is and I would never say something to purposely hurt someone .. sometimes it's just how I deal with the pain of it all. Learning curve and all .. congrats on your progress!
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
OK we're both in trouble then because I really laughed at your joke! Dang newcomers, so serious Don't beat yourself up be glad you can be a little silly. Humor is one of our Alanon topics. You apologized, you've done what you can. Honestly, jim I think that takes care of your side of the street on this one.
Similiar story? I once told somebody I nominated them for district rep while they were away in the restroom. (person wasn't angry with me, just relieved it wasn't true) lol TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Slogan Jim Good Job in posting on this issue. You did well in owning your behavior and talking it over with your sponsor.
I have made jokes at the expense of others. In doing my 4th and th steps I discovered my motives were far from innocent.
It was old defensive behavior learned in an alcoholic home. In taking the focus off my self and laughing at others or making them uncomfortable I was feeding my ego and in a strange way feeling superior.
I heard that when we can laugh at ourselves we are truly growing so today I keep the focus on myself and have learned to laugh at my actions and silly behavior. It is fun all around.
Program works
-- Edited by hotrod on Monday 19th of November 2012 02:36:52 PM
Sounds like the other person was wrapped up in problems at the moment. In some ways it's actually carrying the message (step 12) to show people that they can laugh and not take themselves so seriously.
I have to say you made me chuckle, If i was on the receiving end of that I would have seen the funny side, but then, I am in an 'alright' place at the mo, I cant say how i would have reacted if I wasnt, lol I prob would have burst into tears lol. I think I am the kind of person that just tries to make light of every situation I am in and I suppose that could get on some peoples nerves, when im nervous im terrible!! so Im really thinking before I speak lately and I don't seem to be getting on anyone's nerves, lol, well i hope not anyway, but thank you for your post, you did make me smile ;) xxxx
My sponsor used to encourage and remind me - all the time - to examine my motives...... yours were obviously clean and pure here, so I would simply chalk it up to an honest boo-boo, that was probably only deemed inappropriate by the level of hurt that person was feeling at the time....
Take care, and cut yourself a bit of leeway..
T
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I've made bad jokes so many times! My motives were not to insult, hurt, or putdown the person. How the good-intentioned joke is perceived is beyone your control.
When I attempt to make a funny these days and it goes over like a lead balloon, I take it all as an opportunity to remind myself that if my intention was for the good, then let it go. We all are "Bozos" from time to time.
You apoligized. That's an A+ in my book!
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
At last nights meeting I was chairing and made a comment at the end- about someone's behaviour [which I didn't mind at all!] and suggested that we should invoke Trad 4 and all do the same thing.
It just seemed odd for me to say that- no response... and it might have breached the 'no cross-talk' or no cross-behaviour that mnost times keeps our groups fluid and moving on.
No need to apologicse to anyone- no reason to beat myself up over imperfection...
no reason to share? Every reason to share- to air out the cupboard! Yes.
Don't beat yourself up be glad you can be a little silly. Humor is one of our Alanon topics. You apologized, you've done what you can. Honestly, jim I think that takes care of your side of the street on this one.
-David.