The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm losing my ground. My A has promised to change several hundred times. I mentioned divorce during the week and she freaked. This is not the life I want. I can't forget that all her promises are empty words. It would be such a relief to believe her and she actually got into recovery. It's not going to happen. I don't know how to be OK and live with her. I really don't want a divorce but my life with her has become misery. Last week I felt strong but now not so much. Help! Lyne
You don't have to continue to live with her. You don't have to leave. But I hope you will take whichever path will lead to the most serenity for you. Sometimes -- usually -- things have to get really bad before we have the desperation to make them get better. Maybe this is one of those times for you. Hugs.
I do hope you have found an alanon face to face meeting that you feel comfortable in and are able to connect.
It is recommended that we do not make an major changes in our lives until at least 6 months to a year in program The reason for this is that we come in confused, lost, alone full of fear and anger because of trying to deal with this disease with defective tools.
Working the program, using the new ideas and principles enable us to change and see constructive actions we can take. Please look to increasing your meetings and finding a sponsor. It will help guide your recovery.
I'm so sorry your going through this, just wanted to send my love and I pray the both of you find the right path. whatever the outcome, please know that you are not alone, I had years of empty promises too and it does leave you totally deflated, and I now know that it was the illness making him treat me the way he did, the way he treated his own mother with his lies, made his own son feel unloved by never being there for him, (thank god the son has a great mum), I ended up running away from my exA because he started getting violent in the end and I was pregnant, I left with nothing and had to start over again, but I did it, and im proud of myself for getting away, I had stayed with another A for 4 years before and took punches and beatings and was scared to leave, (he nearly killed me!) I do pick em eh? sorry im rambling on now, just wanted you to know, we are all here for you, trust in your HP, and keep coming back,,
As you can tell we all relate to what you're going through. Somethings that helped me was actually sitting down and figuring out what I like to do. I made a list of 3-4 things that I really enjoy and try to do them as often as possible. I do believe that happiness comes from doing things we like or being with people we like. Happiness is not something I achieve and it stays. Its like being physically in shape, you have to keep up the exercise to stay that way. This is what helps me get through because when I'm engaging in those things (and I make sure to do something everyday) I feel like life is good. It doesn't fix the bad stuff but who says I have to wallow in misery and never enjoy myself? When I do those things I feel like I'm living MY life.
