The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I too have been along time member of alanon and have heard many objections to this very subject. I know my alanon disease will want to change everything to suit what I believe it is the right way. Part of my recovery is learning to Accept the way the world works, and agree to move within the established framework.
Alanon is a spiritual program and not religious . Since it is a suggestion of the program that we talk things over and reason things out, this discussion can be had at the group business meetings. Any change to the established format takes a majority vote. Many of my meetings have changed to the serenity prayer.
The Steps however a very solid unchangeable principle. I find that the suggestion "Take what You like and leave the rest really speaks volumes" to this topic.
My understanding of this principle is that we are WELCOMED to use whatever part or portion of the program that works for us and LEAVE(MEANING DO NOT TRY TO CHANGE, ARGUE DISTORT) THE REST.
I hope you continue sharing the journey here
-- Edited by hotrod on Sunday 18th of November 2012 12:44:45 AM
In my early days, I felt as you did. Even though I grew up saying the Lord's Prayer, I thought it didn't belong in al-anon, for reasons that you mention. So I asked for a group conscience at my home group and a vote on the matter, to substitute another prayer....
It was struck down. The reason is because the Lord's Prayer is "true" to that particular group, most of that group was Christian and they loved the prayer. So I realized I had challenged my group to NOT be themselves.
I love al-anon because it taught me to stop being so black and white, and I especially learned to be more loving and tolerant of others. It feels a whole lot better when I take myself out of the god position, telling everyone how to behave so that I can be more comfortable in this world. That's is a losing battle anyway, no serenity there. The goal is not to hope the world is going to change for me. but rather for me to change and adapt to the world.
When someone gets specific about their Higher power in a meeting, I easily adapt today, I have my own concept of higher power. When I take my focus off my REAL purpose for being there, by focusing on what's not "right" at the meeting.... and believe me, I have done my nit-picking... it just steers me right back into my dis-ease. Better to focus on the Good because what I focus on gets BIGGER.
Glad you're here, keep coming back!
-- Edited by glad lee on Saturday 17th of November 2012 11:11:15 PM
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
I've been in and out of Al-Anon since the 80's & have been struggling with the LP. The program promotes "God of your Understanding" and also states Al-Anon is not allied with any sect, denomination, etcThe LP uses the term "our father."Not everyone's God is "their father."In fact, as we all know many non-religious people use the group or even an object as their higher power.I generally leave the room when LP is recited and haven't always felt so comfortable about it.During all the time I spent in Al-Anon, I have only seen 3 other people leave the room. (including someone who simply joined me so I wouldn't feel alone).
In addition, the steps refer to God as "him."My higher power is not a "him."If I thought of HP in a masculine sense it would impede my sense of spirituality.In recent years the Prayer Books for my religion have changed and presently the words him, he, king etc. are replaced with God, Soverign, etc.I found that to be very helpful in developing a sense of HP. It would be easier if the program was more neutral regarding religions.
Aloha Clear...I always enjoy this subject and have always appreciated the (of our understanding) part of the description. With that part stated...I get my own understanding and you get yours. I've been around for a long time and have seen all forms of movement regarding Higher Power from gender, to name to what ever however I have my understanding and that is Higher Personal for me. Program told me that the requirement was a Power greater than myself so mine is. In our groups you are allowed to have what you have and do what you do as long as it doesn't disrupt the group and dilute our unity. You can walk out or stand still or lead the closing prayer without saying God because you have a personal reason or whatever and no one will judge or critize your working your program. If it works...work it. Of course mutual support and respect is the unity of our progam...What goes around comes around and we don't go after anyone elses definition of their HP either. (((Hugs)))
I strongly agree with Jerry, Glad lee and Hotrod. This is the world we live in. I used to be vehemently anti-religious and I didn't want any part of anything that sounded religious at all. My task in 12 step meetings is to find the spiritual message in whatever it is that is being said. The Lord's Prayer has great spiritual messages and it encompasses much of what we try and accomplish in the steps. The wording is not all inclusive but that's no reason to throw the baby out with the bath water. The same goes for the bible, koran, torah...whatever. It's all part of some spiritual truth and I can take what I like and leave the rest. I can say the Lord's Prayer and focus on the parts that have meaning for me.
With regards to the Lord's prayer: I do want to be thankful for what I have (my daily bread), I don't want to hurt others (trespass), I want to be forgiving (as I would forgive those who trespass against me), I want to be true to my ideas and my spirituality (not led into temptation)...Do those sound like good ideals? Good spiritual principles? When you walk out as people are saying them, you might as well be saying you don't respect that. You totally missed all that cuz you heard "our father" and objected to it before even taking into account the rest. Don't have to agree with every word to understand and admire the principle behind it. That is the difference between being spiritual and religious.
This has nothing to do with whether God is a man or woman, or an amorphous force. I respect the spiritual principles of the prayer. It took me a while to be comfortable enough in my own spirituality that I wasn't offended by others' and to know that I was discounting large portions of valid messages because of my willful desire to toss out anything that "might" be used in religious context.
The steps are written in proper english. Before political correctness created the term "him/her", it was proper usage to use the masculine 'him' as the reference. I can't help but think that making issues out things like this is just another way to distance ourselves from being 'part of' something that can change your life. As for the Lords prayer, I think there is vailidity to being uncomfortable with it. It is clearly a Christian prayer. But leaving the room rather than just being silent seems like an attention getting device. The suggestion to bring it up at a business meeting is excellent. I too have seen groups switch to the serenity prayer. The points raised are valid, but seem like distractions away from the important healing that the program can provide. peace.
I love the ESH you received and I know my sponsor has an HP that is a her and she has taught me to take what applies and to leave the rest. Sending you love and supprt!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
I have but one word for all the responses to this thread, and I say it with humility........ the word is AWESOME.
The people at MIP never cease to amaze me, and your replies address this (ongoing) question that people struggle with so well..... thank-you all for your wisdom.
The original post-er may or may not take these suggestions and comments to heart - but in my opinion, you have all allowed them the dignity to make their own choice, but also shared your E,S&H with a touchy subject, and (hopefully) helped the post-er see that this "block" is impeding his/her recovery....
A genuine tip-of-the-hat to all you smarties...
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Thank-you for all of your thoughtful responses. I appreciate your caring. I'm still a little confused though. It's not as much of a concern anymore because most of the meetings I selected use the serenity prayer. Overall, people have been ok about me leaving room. I was comfortable about it for awhile, but then became uncomfortable again. I'm just focusing now on all the other gifts.
