The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I thought I'd detail some thoughts here that were triggered in another's post. I'm now 53 and dealing with all the issues that come with that age. Besides experiencing regret in past life decisions (choice of spouse-really wondering "what was I thinking, WAS I thinking..., career - just done with it...bored, unfulfilled etc.) the physical stuff has bothered me.
1. I used to be very athletic and while I don't feel the need to remain so I'm finding it hard to deal with the aches and pains, two knee surgeries and the general feeling of my body just breaking down. What I found I can do is lose weight, find lower impact exercise and since I can't find that 1.5 hours to work out anymore, I have found I can do 20 minutes, here, 20 minutes there and have some kind of fitness. As I've done so my knees hurt less...still hurt...but noticeably less.
2. Having read some stuff on aging I can make dietary changes. I'm eating more of certain things and less of others for health. Not just dieting but you know, certain foods are good for cholesterol and heart health and stuff like that. I love to eat and THAT has gotten me in trouble with weight but I luckily can still enjoy it and eat healthier as well.
3. Sexual Issues. Embarrassed to say this has been an issue my whole life, mentally and physically and my marriage hasn't helped any here. ED has gotten worse and worse to the point of being totally debilitating AND none of the PILLS seem to help anymore. But I read that testosterone and some other things are involved here. I got my levels and they were low....not below the range where the doctor recommended hormone therapy, but right there (he actually did give me some stuff to see if it helps...which it didn't...) BUT I've ready how belly fat, lack of exercise etc all exacerbate the problem. So I'm correcting all that. I'm not holding out much hope but there are aspects I have control over. Wish my luck on this as it's really discouraging.
4. I'm playing guitar alot. I've always been a musician but wanted to learn guitar. I've worked on it for real for the last 5 years and am seeing improvement and always enjoy playing. I nice acceptance I had was after playing with jazz musicians (out of my league) I was at first discouraged at what took them a lifetime to be able to do and I don't have a lifetime left having used up over half of mine already. BUT I said to myself eventually that "I have a degree in music, and what may have taken them a lifetime to figure out, I beleive that at least some of that I can learn based on my knowledge." Many jazz songs have patterns that you see repeated in other songs. I've already recognized the patterns and using that knowledge am beginning to almost keep up with these guys...AND I can see where I can learn it eventually before I die.
5. Doing other things I enjoy and this was hard because I had to really THINK about what I like having denied myself for so long. Took a while to come up with stuff but i eventually did and engage in them when I can.
What I'm still having trouble with is
1. Being happy despite what may be negative around or in me.
2. Not feeling less than.
3. Accepting the physical break down.
4. Accepting bad decisions I've made in life without beating myself up over them .
5. Feeling lovable or at least likeable. I really seem to have an issue with socializing. i enjoy it but it seems people don't enjoy me, or least that's how I feel. i' m not exactly sought after for social events and don't know why. I can tell you my faults, but I don't know which it is that people just sort of ignore me.
Hi, I'm relating alot to your post. I'm 63 and love physical activities. The pain that follows e.g. a round of golf, or a gym workout is really discouraging me from doing these things I enjoy. I also am finding it difficult making friends that I'm comfortable around. I'm just kinda in this blue funk. "Move a muscle, change a mood" is the slogan going through my head, think I'll give it a try, and deal with the pain later. Good luck to you
Only in the last decade has men's aging been more discussed and researched. Men's meetings, therapy groups, etc...are helpful. It's got to be hard to find that in alanon. It's easy to find men's AA meetings. It's also easy to find meetings with men all in the 40 to 70 age bracket. I'd recommend finding some support group like that. I don't know how I'd deal with learning to be the man I want to be and the man I can be without lots of meetings with other men and a male sponsor.
I'm betting you are in lots better shape than some 53 year olds. I can see it would be hard to feel good about yourself when you have a spouse that threatens divorce, screams, and is bringing chaos all the time.
Personally, I spent from 20 to 36 as a pathetic drunk so I do know what lost time and wishing I hadn't squandered away large portions of my life feels like. On the other hand, it took that for me to really start living now. So while I know I made my share of bad decisions, I don't label them as such because it's all been a journey anyhow and where I am at right now is ok (better than ok actually).
