Hi Everyone,

I'm a wreck right now.  My A son, 32 yrs old who just recently separated from his wife of 10 years and 4 single digit age children, lost his home, his job, his car, and his drivers license ... all due to alcoholism, called me about 2 months ago, saying he wanted help, had no one else to turn to etc, etc, etc....

I told him, I can help get him into a detox, or treatment program, but short of doing that (First things First) I wasn't willing to do anything else to help him at this time.  He told me he didn't think it would work for him because he would end up right back where he has been, with the same people doing the same thing... blah, blah, blah..

Well, I offered to put him on a airplane and bring him here, under the pretense and understanding it would be for 30-90 days so he could get through detox and get some sobriety happening before having to decide what to do or where to go from here.

Well the first thing he found here was alcohol, and the second thing he found here is a woman.  He has been to less than 10 meetings since his detox, and now has this woman pregaent, who is a 30 single parent of a 5 year old girl.  She dumped him when she told him about the preg test results, ... because he had said that he was going back to Texas for Christmas and didn't know if he would be coming back here, he admitted to her that he is an alcoholic but doesn't go to AA, he is unemployed, stays with his dad, doesn't have a car or drivers license.. etc, etc... (She sounds like a altogether kind of girl to me, an untreated alanon would surely have went to the rescue and tried to control and manipulate things to fix him... she didn't, instead she let him go saying they would not be a good match for a future relationship.)

okay.. now thats out of the way... today I confronted him about taking money (stealing).  Collectively its not a lot, about 30.00 dollars in three different incidents.  First taking all the silver coins out of a huge vase that I throw my change into each night.  I use it for stuff like cat food, dog food, laundry deterent... ya know, when things are tight, I have my little kitty to pull from for those things....  Second time was going into my pant pockets while I was sleeping and taking 20.00 out of them, which I asked him about and he admitted to at that time, and then today... from a mirror that hangs on my dinning room wall, that is about 9 ft long and 5ft wide (very big) I see him in the living room, go and pick up my pants and stick his hand in my pocket... I don't say anything I just walk into the living room and he drops them and pretends he is picking up pet toys and putting them in the pet area.  Keep in mind, I was looking right at him from the kitchen, via the dinning room mirror as he was rummaging through my pant pocket.  He didn't have time to check the other pocket before I entered the room, and found nothing in the one his hand was in.  I know what I saw.

Tonight, I tell him we need to talk.  This situation has been eating my lunch all day.  So, we sit and I tell him..."When you take something of someone elses, without their consent you are stealing".  You did not have my consent to take money out of my vase, you did not have my consent to take money out of my pant pockets a few days ago, and this morning I saw you via the mirror in the dinning room, pick up my pants and stick your hand in my pocket, I walked in on you, and your tried to make out like you were picking up pet toys.  Well, thats called stealing too."  I won't have a thief living or staying in my home and we have already had this conversation.  You are doing nothing about your alcoholism, which is what I brought you here to do, you now have another woman pregnant and now you have 5 children that will be raised and supported by someone else, you don't have a job, any way to be a contributor to their lives, no less your own, a car, or anything else.  My heart goes out to you, but you have to leave my home now."  

He went ballistic.  Raging about how I didn't do this and I didn't do that, and he came here with the idea that he would get a car, and that would make it where he could get a job... blah, blah, blah...  I simply told him, "I do not put untreated alcoholics who don't have a drivers license behind the wheel of my cars, nor do I buy them cars.  Sorry, but you don't even have a state ID card.  You couldn't do anything with a car if you had one.  Register it, insure it in your name, pay taxes on it, or drive it.  Why would any one give you a car under those conditions?  You were suppose to do certain things that justified your getting one, and you have not done any thing since your arrival here but drink twice that I know of, and get a woman pregnant.  Nothing that was agreed to prior to my putting you on that plane."

Well, he then went into the ...."Well, you need to buy me a plane ticket back to texas, I'm not going to stay here any longer!"  I simply relied.  "There is no I.O.U here, nor are you entitled to anything just because I'm your dad.  You want to go back to Texas, please do, but find your own way, now leave my home before I call the police to have you esorted off the property by them."  I looked at my key ring holder and one of my car keys were missing and I asked him if he had it as he was walking out the door.  He pulled it out of his pocket, showed it to me, and threw it into the street.  This key goes to a BMW, you cannot get one made by a locksmith, or even have copies of it made here in the USA.  You have to go to the dealer with the car registration and your ID (to prove its your car) to get another made by the factory which pulls its code up from your vehicel VIN number and send the key back to the dealer.  It can take up to a week to get another key.  Cost.. about 230.00.

I just closed my door on him and now will let him go without rancor or hoopla... and turned him over to the care of my Higher Power.  The job to be done there is much bigger than me, or my son.  I know this.. but it doesn't make it hurt any less.

John