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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> assuming the worst, then finding out I was wrong....
Post Info TOPIC: assuming the worst, then finding out I was wrong....
Debilyn


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assuming the worst, then finding out I was wrong....
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I have this thing that I have worked on for years. A fear that anything good is not real. If it is, it will go away.

He asked me not to push him away, don't hesitate to tell me anything. This time our relationship allowed me to let whatever happen be fine. Next thing I know I am sharing everything, no longer shy, not holding back. I am ok with that. Great actually.

Still feel it is growing into what it is

The last post of mine, taught me a lesson. I assumed things that were going on with him and the A that were not true. Was waaaaaay off base. He is in control and is moving fw. Just had not told me yet. Here I was believing he was relapsing and it was the opposite. He has many years of strong Al anon btw. Has started meetings too.

Boy do I have a lot to learn about healthy relationships. Not used to a man who is strong, couragious, keeps his word, and gets things done. I was happily blown away and told him i could clobber him for not telling me.

He assumed if he told me, then all his pain would be invalidated. Now he knows he was wrong. We all know when we make that decision to divorce the Aw or Ah, the pain is excrutiating. Our guts are like inside out. The deciding where to live, how to do this and that. I remember, do we ever forget?

All I know is he has been trying to stay for so long, but for him it led to this and he is right on it. Could be ex in  a bit over six months. We are such good friends, and I know he will cont. to heal but six months is nothing. I want him to be healed before we meet f2f. or real far in it. However long it takes. It is so nice not to feel in a frenzy or hurry. Allowing things to go day by day growing.

I am ms ask questions, love to hear about his work, his past, his dog, anything. Yes he askeds me things too. Said he had twenty questions. Asks me what my hair smells like....he pipes I KNOW. I said what?? wet dog???  well then I told him what it smelled like.

Ok how much you want to bet out of all those sweet questions, the only one he will remember is my hair smells like wet dog? lol

I said those were all physical questions. typical of a man.

Then he says, well after all these years I know how your mind works. So he writes them all down, not all gushy, but the real truth, beautiful truths. I mean things i didn't or had not ever put into words he knew. as I read on down, the last thing says, and I know right now you are crying. i was.

At first when he said I know your mind, I said, ok what do you see? He says, let me get my magnifying glass. lol lol

OmG, I am so happy he is a smarta**!

I learned from all who shared. Spose I need to remember, there are healthy people out there that have been with A's. Will wonders ever sease?

thank you all for being on this journey with me! debilyn



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
Pushka


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Hugs Deb,

There is a wonderful speaker by the name of Larsetta (sp?) and she talks about how she would take an idea floating over her head and find her rule in her index card box (the imaginary one) if there was no rule it was time for a new one that fit the situation and make it a fact.

I know I'm totally guilty of continuing to do that at times, .. you know sometimes it's not off base the reality is that I have to remember my crystal ball is cracked and I just don't know all of the time.

Hugs P :)

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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Debilyn


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I want to understand what you are saying Pushka. Would you mind using an example?

You are so darn esoteric!  (c: I love it! me



__________________

Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
Pushka


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For me it's usually dealing with the A however I can do this in other situations. It's taking an abstract idea that could be true and making it a fact in my own mind. So my stbax sent my daughter a pic by accident on her phone. based upon what I know about him, thankfully her phone is blocked from pics I just knew my divorce was in the bag. I was able to retrieve the picture from my kids phone and .... It wasn't what I thought .. Lol it was childish ... the picture, it sure want what I hoped. I felt foolish because I just knew the picture was illegal content. The reality .. It wasn't. Thankfully I only allowed those thoughts to roll with my mind. I have had some good ones though to have those floating thoughts of what might be and make them a straight up fact!! I hope that helps!! Hugs p :)

__________________

Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Debilyn


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thank you Pushka ok I get it.

Having an A wife he has not shared things with anyone but me for 10 years plus. Now with all this tender stuff, Divorce, confusion, hurting family, he starts to keep it in. With me being who I am, I can be with someone and KNOW things. Just by putting all the things together.

But it did not make sense at all, becuz I didn't have all the information. His confusion was confusing me. I thought he was back with her, going by the info I had. no he never said he was. I assumed.

Soon as he told me what he was doing, immediatly I felt 100% better. I will not marry a wishy washy man. I want a real person with flaws and good stuff.

In a way it is like my bad knee. two surgeries on it so far. I walk, carry in groceries, bring wood in etc. you could see me and assume my knew was fine. I am not a complainer. but in reality many times I am in excrutiating pain but must suck it up. He tried to suck things up, but Debilyn can feel something does not fit.

anyway thank you. thank you! hugs to you too! debilyn

 



__________________

Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> assuming the worst, then finding out I was wrong....