The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I know why I am stuck in depression, however it is not as bad as last weekend. It is because I have had one of my Ah ha moments again, for the 500th time, that my A is not interested in changing. I think I am grieving the loss of the marriage I thought I had, wanted to have, could still have, but I am not going to have. I'm trying to be realistic, and that means I have to let go of the life I thought I was going to have. I also think I understand better why I have to be in touch with Alanon daily (I am trying). Because when I think I have a handle on things, the reality of my situation fades away, I think things are going to change, and then Ah ha again, they are not going to change. Lyne
That awareness is very hard, but it will free you the more you allow it to be reality. When I look at my ex now and he does crazy things, I simply say "that's who he is". And I no longer entertain the "why" questions or the notion that someone may actually get him to figure it out at some point.
The saying in the rooms of Al Anon are: awareness, acceptance, action. Each step takes time, be gentle with yourself while working through this. AstrongerMe shared that she used to ask 'why' when her A did something crazy. I've stopped asking the 'why', as well, but because I'm still married to him I am still affected by his craziness in certain ways(not in everything anymore, but financial stuff and relationship stuff still affect me).
I, too, used to hope for change. I think I've passed my 500th time, LOL! Sending you lots of support today!
I too have a problem with the "why". Reading this post has given me thought again. ASrongerME..... "that's who he is" is very good. I never really thought that but I will now. It sure helps me...Thanks
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
I was listening to mediation tape today and one of the selections played beautiful music and a soft voice said, practice acceptance. That's what I need to do, and ilovedogs said it above. Accept what I cannot change and change what I can. For those of us who are still with are A's, this feels very hard but I know I have to do it. And I can never think I'm all fine now-NOPE. Need to be in touch with you guys. Thanks, Lyne
