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here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
After 2 1/2 years of sobriety and really working an AA program (up until 2 months ago) my AH drank Friday night. We all saw it coming and even he said he knew he was in a downward spiral and ready to drink again. I went back to work 3 months ago and this new schedule has prompted him to need to take our kids to school each morning. This drive is during the time when he would attend AA meetings daily. Sooo he stopped going to meetings. That, plus numerous stresses in our lives including a dear AA riend that passed away 3 weeks ago, I am sure contributed to his tailspin.
Friday night it was like he has always been when drunk, and I knew he had been drinking. It was awful--disappeared for hours, did not respond to phone calls, much verbal abuse toward me. We talked about "what's your plan" yesterday--he says he does not want to go back to drinking, he sees this as a one time thing due to built up stress. I see that is is a breakdown in his not going to meetings, being on a constant HALT and not addressing it, etc--you KNOW that I KNOW exactly what he needs! LOL! With that, I am struggling with him not doing what I think he should be doing to get back on track. He did talk to an AA friend Friday night (while drunk?), and he was reading his Big Book last night, but no going back to a meeting, no connection "the day after" with another AA.
I am having a hard time Letting Go and Letting God on this one. I think it is because I will NOT live with him in a dry drunk or drinking sporadically/regularly. I filed for divorce once in 2009 and my plan is to do it again if things even remotely get to what they looked like several years ago. He is so abusive when he is drinking and I cannot go there again. I have an idea of what he needs to do and if he doesn't do it, my life is so profoundly effected. I know that is sick thinking for me.
I need a slap to get my head right, get focused on me. I've definitely had a mental sobriety relapse too, seeing his relapse as a personal wounding to me and something he's doing to mess up MY life. I am reacting out of my core of fear and I am having difficulty soothing myself. Any thoughts would be helpful and so appreciated.
So sorry to hear this, you must be devastated. My worst fear is if I reconcile with my AH and this happens down the road. I guess the only way to get thru it is to keep going and keep your head up. What does this relapse mean for you in terms of your boundaries? Do you want to file for divorce again? I am kind of in the middle of same thing as me and AH are separated and I go back and forth on filing for divorce, it is that hope that keeps me hoping but my worst fear is your story, I take him back and he relapses, my AH too is very verbally abusive when he drinks and I know how unbearable that is. Keep the faith, keep us posted, only you know what you want/need and what you're willing to do. Prayers and hugs.
you do not say if you are in al anon. When my partner has a slip I up my meetings. i reach out here, I read read read and most of all pray.
Sorry to hear this is happening. My partner is in and out of sobriety. but what I normally realise after a slip his or mine is that there was something we or I needed to learn. Today I try and trust Hp and take care of me during his slip. Stay in one day at a time. what i need to do to take care of me and the kids.
The last time he slipped he went into a spiral I rmoved myself. Once he got sober and back on his programme we got back together. I found that I had no resentment because i protected myself. His familiy however were not so lucky.
This is just my ESH take what you like. take care of you what ever that looks like.
So very sorry you are going through this..even though the relapses are not caused nor directed at you they affect your life. I finally got to the point where I decided I simply had to take control of my own life. I left.He lost a 30 year career due to alcohol and a 30 year marriage....obviously we had trust and respect issues...and I made the choice to get out.
My only regret is that I waited so long. I too had hope that things would improve but it was like just waiting for the other shoe to fall. I felt that my life was worth more than that....
The decision process is challenging but when it gets right down to it trust yourself and believe in yourself You will make the right choice for YOU...and you are the only person that can do that.
