Here's a bit more light on the subject Lyne...is there anything at all that you are sooo compulsed to do, attracted or addicted to that you just don't seem to want to quit no matter what it's costing you.

In the definition of alcoholism I learned that "alcoholism is a compulsion of the mind and allergy of the body and the alcoholic has lost the ability to choose not to drink".  At first my thought response was "what a load of crap...soooo much bs" and then my HP helped me to hold that part of the definition of alcoholism and drug addiction in mind as my eyes watched it play out in her thoughts and behaviors.  Sickening...sad and more powerful than I.  "It can never be cured.  It can only be arrested by total abstinence" and I fell into deep confusion and compassion for my spouse...she would have this for the rest of her life and had to find someway to get to total abstinence.  That way/path didn't run thru me...it would have to run thru another recovering alcoholic woman if my spouse was to have an hope in hell of getting and staying clean and sober.  It was I and my fear and my unknowing which sent her our again on another 5 year run and I did that compulsively without any idea of what the consequences would be.  I didn't want to be married to a woman who had an addiction to drugs and alcohol.  I wanted a wife who could be a normal drinker, like me, (I am now a "double") and so I told her that "I didn't think she was alcoholic"...we got the exact opposite of what it was that we wanted. 

For me there is no other disease that is so cunning, powerful and baffling as addiction...none.  Get out of the funk and into a meeting...listen to direction from those who have "been there and done that" and follow with practice, practice, practice.  Always in support.   (((hugs)))