The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been reading here as often as work allows and decided it was time to introduce myself.
I am a survivor of addiction. Both parents were alcoholics and my mother died from cirrhosis. Both of my brothers are drug addicts, also. I have been married for 26 years to an alcoholic and drug addict that now has cirrhosis. We have 2 grown sons, although one still lives with us along with his family.
Last month my husband was hospitalized with ascities, his first major health side effect of his behavior. He is up and down and in and out with his recovery process and I must admit that I am very surprised at how well he is doing considering where he has been.
I kind of remember going to Al-anon with my mom when she attended AA meetings. I was so young then. I do remember the anger I felt at her because I have it all over again. I can't believe I am going through this all over again and so pissed at myself for sticking my head in the sand for so long about my husband.
We get along great, are deeply in love, rarely argue but when we do...whew!....though have never been violent to each other. We had such wonderful plans for our "older" lives (we are both mid 40's). I have Multiple Sclerosis that puts a monkey wrench in most areas of my life, but I consider myself pretty much "okay" for the moment health wise. On top of that, I am the only one working full time.
I am beyond pissed (at everything and anybody) and I have a hard time with the anger that I am back where I started (or have I ever left?). I get to the point where I shake, on the inside and outside, and I feel like throwing up. So husband said it was time for me to talk to someone. I have the schedule for al-anon printed out and plans already for my first new meeting.
So this is me...and here I am. Thanks for listening.
((((Sweety))))...You've been qualified for a long time and that is not another reason to beat up on yourself. Come in and sit down and listen and learn and then practice, practice, practice. You can hammer on yourself from time to time and only for a few seconds at a time once a day. The rest of the time think about the truth of "I've done the best I can with what I had then...now is different". Like you I was born and raised in the insanity of this disease and the truth is "we don't get to pick our families or determine their royalty" we get to change it within ourselves, one day at a time, with help, from those who have worn our shoes and are here to teach us about what is was like, what they found out and how they live differently now. I love your attitude about your health. I used that one today myself. It's real without the echo of being spoken from within the pitty pot. Have a great re-initiation into the program...our world-wide family and please keep bringing yourself back to MIP. In support. Hugs...
Welcome and I am so glad you are making it to meetings soon. Be gentle with yourself it sounds like things have been hard enough. Sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
