The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
After heading down to my first meeting yesterday, I felt a mixture of relief and confusion. I feel I belong there, but Most if not all were still with their partners that have stopped their addictions. I am not, at least not physically. I find that I am still trapped in both mentally and emotionally. Even months after leaving, I still worry I may bump into him in oneway or another. Sometimes it's completley accidental, sometimes not. Sometimes I am driven by anxiety separation, through trauma bonding to connect in a peaceful humanitarian way. ( but deep down I question my motives, and I seriously think it's just another way to try and manipulate him), It's as if something in me wants so desparatley to re connect and it drives me mad like crazy. We are both Power crazy it's rediculous. He sometimes pops by to flaunt his power over me which usually sets me off. Logically, I know it's just an addiction, and I can see how absurd it really is when it passes, then other times I'm in so much emotional pain it's unbearable almost as if I want him to call just to feel alive.
I want to talk about this in group and find ways of getting through it Yet I feel at odds talking about this because Some of the women their felt they had no addictions and I feel awkward.
Has anyone been through this anxiety separation? how did you get through it?
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since i found out babe ruth struck out 1,330 times, i've been feeling lots better!!
Aloha Aprilla...That is what I went thru also and was soooo grateful for the fellowship as they shared their own experiences, strengths and hopes on the subject. I found out that no one likes change especially change which comes from trauma and drama and leaves unfinished business. Learning it was normal scared the hellout of me and I wanted to know "how long" and "when do I get out of this hole"? Some one in a meeting once told me that for every year invested in an alcoholic relationship it would take multiple years to reach closer and that made me anxious and sick cause my alcoholic and I had invested 4 hard, intense years in our horror play. Then I learned that "As long as you have memory, there is no such thing as a divorce" which made me even sicker because I have memory going back to the delivery room and crib.
Its in the rooms of Al-Anon that I learn how to exist with change, and how to be more than just okay with myself without the withdrawals and craving of the addiction to my alcoholic/addict. I worked the program instead of forcing myself to jog 6miles plus round trip just to go snoop on her where we use to live...That helped to increase the sanity and I lost that sweaty smell, didn't have to gasp for air, legs didn't hurt and feet didn't burn and nobody's dog came running after me for a bite.
Anxiety Separation...It's not for everyone anymore. Keep coming back (((((hugs))))
It isn't easy, but with Al-anon things just keep getting better for me. I have been addicted to my A and as time has passed and I have worked my program and read the books and met with my sponsor I have gotten healthier in mind, body and Spirit. I hope you can dive into self care/love and be gentle with yourself.
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
