I'm able to detach enough from this that I can make pretty good decisions.  I am not alone in my experience with the family courts in CA.  I'm broke after more than 10k in lawyers who were able to do nothing.  Precisely because the mediation services CA requires you to go through will not allow lawyers and the mediators are allowed to decide the fate of custody in CA.

My ex is abusive to me and my kids.  Well I've put a stop to the "me" issue almost entirely.  Because of his excessive emotional abuse and occasional physical, my middle son is mentally ill and not living with us and is being basically "rehabbed" by my ex's aunt.  She has learned the truth and is appalled and finally stopped giving him money for his lawyer.

He has been trying to do better but he can't.  I thought he was, I was not hearing much but my yougest is the one who has been with dad, without mom to save him, so he thinks the abuse is normal I finally got that last night.  Generally I hear borderline stuff and if I can I give the kids ideas to empower them.  I work hard to sift between actual abuse and kids misbehaving and don't want to be in trouble (not easy).

Last night I picked up my youngest from daycare (he's 9).  He sat in my car and touched his head and said "ouch my head hurts".  I innocently asked if he hit his head or fell and he came back with "no dad hit me in the head this morning".  I asked a couple of questions, seemed like he woke up too early, was being noisy and dad got angry and smacked him in the back of the head.  He then says "I have a headache too, maybe I shouldn't go to dad's anymore".

Little does he know that with the help of mediators and judges who don't give a rats bottom - I was told they go to his house or I go to jail.  Even though one of the last mediation reports say "dad admits to domestic violence and emotional abuse, custody stays the same with anger management ordered". That just empowered dad once again.  Yes, CPS has been to his house at least a dozen times, each one is written off as an "accident".  Now dad will hit one of the boys and go "go ahead, here's the phone you call CPS".

It was quiet for the last 6 or so months, thought he was actually doing better.  I got stuck last night, was afraid to do anything.  I had everything from friends ready to show up at my ex's door and make him afraid to do it again (I stopped them, pointless to do that) and finally my mom just says "just take him to the doctor and let them handle it".  It was hard because the truth is he is now going to threaten my son about talking.  He's done it to the others for years.

And he will make things worse and he knows CPS will never do anything nor the courts.  But I went anyway, I overcame the fear and went.  the doctor was not real happy with the story but not freaked out.  She asked me if I wanted her to report it and my answer was "I no longer feel able to answer that, no one cares and nothing ever comes of it but him being empowered and retaliating on my kids.  If I say yes it's my fault that happens.  If I say no then I'm a bad parent so I need you to decide".  She says "that's easy, I'm mandated".  I gave her a look of thanks and she wished me well.

He left a small bump on my son's head but no serious damage physically.  But my son said something to the doctor last night that just killed me.  He said "I should stop going to dad's house so I can learn how to be good".

Sorry I can't detach from that.  This isn't even slightly the worst he's done.  I've had my heart ripped out from these stories and people turning their back on my kids for years.

The counselors have all known, 2 walked away for fear of a lawsuit if they spoke up (he threatened them) and one just refused to report it even though he threatened my ex repeatedly.  I fired him with the words "you don't have my kids best interest at heart, you've heard the abuse for 3 years and excused it and threatened to tell the courts and you never lift a finger.

The teachers have all known and never done a thing to help.  They are afraid.  I've had them talk to me about it but they won't do anything.  One made one report, that was it. 

The daycares have all known, only one had a reportable offense happen in her presence (she did) but my kids are afraid so they wouldn't talk to the daycare people.  One daycare hated my ex and would push him out of her door if he was yelling at my kids, I loved her.

This is my reality.  I can detach to a point, then I can't.  But I'm powerless over this and it kills me.  I've done all the right things, police reports, restraining order (was reversed by his second ex wife lying for him, she later admitted to the lie), having the kids talk to therapists (then he shows up and insists on "family" counseling and they let him and the kids stop talking, 3 times this has happened despite my protests), mediation and more.

I pray but on this issue I've lost faith.  I have known others in CA who have experienced this.  Evidence in our divorce files of alcholism, abuse, domestic violence (also against his 2nd ex wife), instability (can't keep a job or residence for more than 6 months) and more.  All just covered over with "access to both parents".