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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> What to do
Post Info TOPIC: What to do
Sam813


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What to do
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Hi everyone, My A brother has called me like 7 times tonight. I was out to dinner with my best friend, trying to take care of myself. My mother called and said he is trying to get into rehab while asking for a ride or a place to stay before hand. I haven't answered or called back as I'm trying to go about my life as normal. Also, my sponsor says my brother can call his sponsor to get to a rehab and he knows what he needs to do. I haven't answered because I'm scared. Am I doing the right thing? It's so hard to ignore him I feel so bad. Is he going to start the manipulation thing again? I'm scared if how the convo will go as he is highly aggressive these days. Im trying to remain stable and not ruin a nice evening for my friend and my husband. Any advice? So unsure . Sam

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Jerry F


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You might consider what your sponsor told you that your brother can do as what to tell him if and when you make contact.  That takes the solution off of your shoulders and you repeat the wisdom of the elder.   I did that a long time when growing up to be someone different in the program.   Also she knows that he knows and he knows how to use you which ever way he needs.  Letting go and Letting God and applying patience are program tools to use not just think about.  "No" is a complete sentence is a detachment exercise.  Stick with your support and your sponsor and of course your higher power.  Repeat the 3Cs over and over.   (((((hugs))))) smile



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Debilyn


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Hi sam I am proud of you! YES he needs to figure out how to get there on his own. That shows it is him really wanting to go. We do not want to take his power away. Part of getting on program is learning to do things all on their own.

You show how much you love him by not allowing the disease to mess with you! He, the one who loves you, wants you to not allow his illness to hurt you!

 hugs,debilyn



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
pinkchip


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When in doubt, listen to your sponsor.

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Mattie


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The fact that he's called seven times already suggests that to me he's already started the manipulation.  Normal people don't pester their family or friends with repeated calls.  It's a sort of "Look at me, I'm helpless, I need saving, I'm not able to do anything myself so you have to help me" position.  If he wants to get to rehab enough, he'll be able to get there.  If they were giving away a billion-dollar lottery prize to him, he'd make it there, right?  So he'll make it to rehab if he wants it.  Meanwhile, being an addict has consequences: you've behaved badly enough long enough that family members are rightfully wary of you.  This kind of feedback is helpful for addicts.  This is the helpful feedback he gets when you return his calls only when it's right for you, not because he's hounding you.  Keep on taking good care of yourself.



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