The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well, when my mom was in the hospital before she passed in March, I took the kids to the hospital, where they decided they did not want to go in the room (she was unconscious and on a breathing machine). I respected their decision. But that was MY mom, not my MIL. My girls are 9 and 12, and I felt they were able to make the decision for themselves. They decided they wanted to remember their Nana the way she was.
Sending up many prayers for you all.
-- Edited by stephaniej on Friday 2nd of November 2012 06:50:57 AM
(((hugs))) Your children have an alcoholic father. Mine do too. And so did I. Your children qualify, or will qualify for a 12-step program like you and me. The disease runs in families and we are powerless over that, we cannot prevent it or protect them from that. we didn't cause it. can't control it. can't cure it. But our kids are going to be okay because you and I are okay, right? they will always know exactly where to go if/when they hit bottom because we have modeled that for them, that is great news!! think of the still-suffering families living in the insanity WITHOUT support.
My sisters alcoholic husband committed suicide after their divorce. she was confused about what to do, she was understandably fearful of going to the funeral because her former MIL was completely blaming her. In the end, she decided she had to be present for her children, her children needed their mothers support at this tragic time in their lives. we sat in the back, but the kids knew we were there. that was the goal, to just be there for the kids.
I keep this surrender prayer when I need guidance, take what you like...
God, today is Your day.
may I be who You would have me be.
may I do what You would have me do.
may I go where You would have me go
and say what You would have me say.
May Your Will be done in all things.
-- Edited by glad lee on Friday 2nd of November 2012 07:05:33 AM
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
Aloha Push...It's sad that this has taken you off balance and robbed you of some of your spiritual center...I read and kept thinking "I am powerless...I am compassionate and I am powerless...I don't like any of it...it scares me and ...I am powerless". I lost my superman cape or rather gave it up cause it didn't work as well as I thought I was. I don't know where it is at right now...maybe Pinch has it and is using it for nesting material in which case it is certainly full of duck poop and still...I am Powerless arrrrrrrgh!! Abandoning my self to God as I understand God and sending you prayers. (((((hugs)))))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Friday 2nd of November 2012 12:00:26 PM
My STBAX's mom whom he is living with is in the hospital. She is gravely ill. She is an alcoholic as well as a smoker. She has cut way back on the drinking (at one point years ago had stopped completely after many years of hard drinking unfortunately started again when her spouse passed away) and she has actually stopped smoking I think all together at this point. She is very young, well younger than my mom so young to me. This is probably it as far as her health goes. Even if she pulls out her body is not going to fully recover.
From what little information that has been shared she's going on hospic. I'm sure that my STBAX is going out of his mind. Last night he just looked so tired and I felt pity for him. Prayers for her that what she has to go through is not painful for her body. Pretty much she's drowning. Now she's been in situations like this before and pulled out of them .. she's older this time around. The last bout was in 2010 when I broke my ankle. I mean where she was on a ventilator and things of that nature .. the dr's really thought she was going to die.
I just don't have much information. Of course he just can't get it together. My daughter was so upset last night. Poor girl. As she is driving home with her dad it comes out that he took my son to see her grandma. The night before I was informed that the kids needed to go to an afterschool program. That poor kid did what she was told to have him show up 5 min later and she's in the middle of doing her homework. So not a bad thing, of course he's angry at her. Instead of waiting for her and them all going he takes only my son to see his grandma. My daughter was totally devestated as she found this out and her dad never said a word to her during the entire visit. I can't imagine how confused that poor kid has been to hear from her brother we went and saw grandma. I wonder what in the world her father was thinking as my son said this? Did he forget? Is it not important? What is there to hide?
He's not approachable at this point because he's just not with the circumstances being what they are. I have mentioned to her at some point she may want to bring up how she feels however that is up to her. I did text him this AM to get more information. I plan on taking the kids to see their grandma this weekend either at her home or at the hospital.
I have no idea what to do as far as is it ok that I go and see her? Do I take the kids to see her? I'm not getting any feedback of course from the STBAX. I'm trying to stay in the moment because my mind flashes to do I go to the funeral? Do the kids? I dont' have to worry about that right now. I only have to stay focused on today and what is happening today and today .. do I go to the hopsital and take the kids or not?
Any ESH on this kind of situation??
Thanks P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Sorry for what your kids are going through and the hardship to your family. Pray on it, meditate, and do the next right thing. That's really all you can do right? If you encounter venom from your husband, possibly stick with "we are still a family and now is not time to argue. I'm here to support you." If he cannot abide by that, or if it hurts him to much to have you around while his mother is passing, then he can make other arrangements to get the kids there. You are not a mindreader.
