The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The adventure continues with a new low. My AW just received a reply from our son that he will not allow his mother to baby sit his children. This brought about a binge and a new attempt to get sober. I read in a post on this site describing the attempt as a white knuckle event. Without any support group or serious plan, that is what this will amount to.
It is hard to be serious about this new attempt. I have learned that expressing this opionion to my AW is futile at best and can become an argument very quickly. Something that I picked up on al-anon is being positive even the face of adversity. It actually helps. Trying to instill a positive attitude in my AW has shown some positive results. Conversations have shown a sense of reality and this sense of reality has been voluntary.
I am not very hopeful about this new attempt to set sober, time will tell. I did suggest getting into a program and was met with silence. This gives me little hope.
To me that sounds like not a new low but a new good thing. Your son is setting healthy boundaries! It is only a healthy reaction to what was already happening -- it hasn't changed the alcoholism. And every piece of honest feedback the drinker gets is another opportunity to see the cost of the drinking. My experience suggests that you're right that trying to quit without a formal recovery program will go nowhere. But it's another little piece of reality which may contribute to your A hitting bottom. It sounds like you have some realistic expectations and therefore some good recovery too. Keep on taking good care of yourself!
Sometimes itis not wht you say, it is how you say it. I have told my AW some of the same things I used to but with different wording. Instead of saying you need to stop drinking, it is "your drinking concerns me, but what you do is your business". When I have gotten the reply that I don't like, I simply say, "Well that is up to you. You are not my property and I don't control you." Makes it much harder to start an arguement. The gasoline will always be there, but you need the spark to start a fire.
within recovery literature there is the theory that each time an A stops using, it is learning about what works and does not work to stay sober...so even if it doesn't last...she may be learning stuff that will help her in a future attempt..
I think its fantastic that your son can set limits. Of course no addict/alcoholic likes limits. As a codependent I took on the addicts/alcoholics shame and misery. These days I do not but the addict needs to be the center of attention at all times.
My wife and I both are in program and have been for a total of over a half century...Wow!! and....sometimes I have expectations that just won't be fulfilled because she is what she is and for my own peace of mind and serenity I have to self focus on what it is I want to get from my recovery and what I have to do to get that. I have to understand that she has her, own thoughts, feelings and actions in spite of me...not to spite me but in spite of me and that I am grateful for being powerless over her also...that gives me the opportunity to gain and maintain my own peace of mind and serenity in spite of her. "And for that I am responsible".
