The material presented
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
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I don't post much so a little history. AH went to rehab last year, his drink of choice whiskey and drug of choice meth. He did good about 8 months. He's back to using and drinking beer. But slowly working his way back to whiskey. He sneaks other types of liquor that he thinks I don't notice, trying to get that "buzz" he gets from whiskey. I've been learning detachment and getting better at it. I don't say anything, I don't look for bottles, don't count beer cans. I don't ask anymore about where he's been during the day or what he's spent the money on. But I did come across a baggie of meth over the weekend in our bedroom, but didn't say anything just to avoid the fight because all of our kids were there. I've been going to meetings and started counseling. I've started doing things with friends and started going to the gym. I'm learing to give things over to my HP instead of trying to deal with it all myself. I am getting stronger. I am finding myself again. Somedays are harder than others...when you know it's all fake and the one you love isn't even there anymore. He just seems to be slipping deeper and deeper into his addictions and there is nothing I can do. I just have to take care of me and be prepared for whatever is to come next. I've started a journal and going back and reading I can see a big change in just the past month.
Yeaaaa, keep doing what you're doing! They told me to do more of what is working, and less of what isn't. that's what I see you doing, it takes great courage but it looks like it's working for you (((big hugs)))
Your post also reminds me of an old post about The Bridge, how we can only cross over to recovery for ourselves, we don't have the power to pull anyone over with us, remember that post?
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
Your post title..... is definitely consistent with my experience.... to a point.....
In effect, this is the message that the GTS books advocate - if you really love your A, then get yourself healthy....
By getting yourself healthy, it puts your A in a predicament, and escalates his urgency to do "something", as the status quo is seemingly no longer a viable option.... When the A reaches this crossroad - seeing you getting better & healthier - it is like a fork in the road, and he has to choose a path.... Sometimes this leads A's to immediately choose sobriety..... sometimes this pushes A's (temporarily, at least) even further into their addiction.....
The cool thing is, you are getting better - regardless of his choice(s) - past, present, or future..... No matter how it all turns out, look at how much better your life is, now that you are choosing this kind of approach...
Good on ya Jamie - recovery looks good on you!!
Take care
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
And when we get better, it just makes their sickness stand out more.
It sounds as if your A isn't really getting worse, he's just going back to how he was before ... an addict. And remember that addictions always go downhill over time. So he is just on the same path he was on before. Not that that isn't painful and tragic. But it stands out more because you are actually taking the reins and making your life better. So glad you are taking good care of yourself.
The layers of denial start peeling off the same way the awareness of our own onion of illness starts to come off. I don't know if it's they get worse or we are no longer choosing to react to it the same way. I know that I see things that I used to gloss over and pretend didn't exist. Now when I see the same situation play out and it's an unhealthy situation for me .. I can call it out and go .. that is so not ok. It blares more because I am getting better just like Mattie said. It shines the light on the fact they are still doing the same thing getting the same results.
Doing things differently .. mistakes and all are what makes all of the difference in the world.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
He may need to slip deeper and deeper. He may need to experience "enough pain" to have true motivation to stop. For now the seductiveness, the physical addiction and the instant pain release (which as we all know doesn't really work) is more powerful.
Keep focusing on you, that's the best thing you can do for yourself to be able to truly live life no matter what his choices are. Hugs to you.
