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Hello!
I'm in a kind weird situation right now with a woman I'm bringing through the 12 steps and I'm not sure how to proceed. I met with her last night to give her the instructions on her 4th step inventory and she told me she has decided she is an alcoholic. Now I believe alcoholism is a self-diagnosed condition so as far as I'm concerned if she feels she is, then she is. I have nothing to say about that. The problem is as her al-anon sponsor I can't really identify with the struggle to stay sober. I feel like a big part of the sponsor/sponsee relationship is identifying with eachother and that's something I can't offer her at this point. She is very socially awkward and has extreme anxiety issues so finding another sponsor or reaching out to alcoholic women would be a HUGE challenge for her.
How do you feel about a non-A sponsoring an A? I'm planning on getting together with my sponsor to see if she has any thoughts but until then, what do you think?
Thanks! Aimee
I know many alanon folks who acknowledged that hey had a drinking problem when they finally were able to be honest, take the focus off others and and look at themselves. Each entered AA for their drinking problem and obtained an AA sponsor. They stayed in alanon as well for alanon issues and with their alanon sponsor for this.
If you feel you can continue to sponsor her with this understanding it should work
I've heard alcoholics in Alanon say I went to AA to sober up but to Alanon to learn to feel my feelings again. We can't give someone what we don't have. If we aren't alcoholics we can't identify about getting and staying sober.
She found you. If she really wants to get sober and stay sober with the help of her higher power, she'll find her sponsor in AA to guide her through the steps of that program. From what I understand, when someone identifies themself as an alcoholic, AA becomes their first program to work.
Maybe some of the doublewinners will have more info about this. TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
As a sponsor, all I think God ever wanted me to do was "be," just to let my sponsees know that someone is reliably there for them as God is, to love them unconditionally, that's my commitment in a nutshell. When I don't identify, it's okay, I am honest in saying I have no experience where I don't have any. they come to their own conclusions with their higher power. What I love most about my sponsor is she never fails to walk me right back to God.
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
If I have learned nothing in the past several yrs , it is that I cannot help an alcoholic stay sober , suggest that she try AA meetings for herself perhaps you could attend one with her , if she continues with the Al-Anon prog as well you can still help her. I myself sponsor two AA women long time sobriety for both of them only once did the subject of drinking come up and I told her to go to her AA sponsor I couldnt help her with that . just my opinion Louise
I am so glad your sponsee has the experience of finding someone as compassionate and knowledgeable as you are. Certainly finding a sponsor is a difficult task but if she is in al anon she can certainly get to AA meetings. Whether she finds a sponsor there or not is her choice. The issue for me is when people bring me into areas of their life I don't need to know about is not to be pulled in hook line and sinker because I want to "help".
So so weird because I am in a similar situation, but I am the sponsee. My sponsor assigned me to go to AA after I told her about a blackout episode. After that, however, she kinda just bailed on me. So, here I have been...alone. Without my al anon sponsor and very lost and confused. We too were on the 4th step. I want to work my Al Anon program with her but it seems that the boundaries between the programs and what I should be doing are too overwhelming for her. She spelled it out in a rather passive aggressive manner yesterday that she will not be able to be there for me. So, I understand if this new issue of alcohol is something my sponsor cannot deal with, but for me I would have appreciated if she could have talked to me about it in a kinder way and remained an interim sponsor until finding a new one who feels comfortable with me exploring the AA program. So, I'm going to look for someone new. It's scary and sad for me, but my higher power has a plan in place for me.
@ Chaya, I am sooooo sorry you were abandoned by your sponsor (((hugs))) I feel grateful you seem to know Higher power has not done so, you can never be abandoned by Higher power. it helps me to remember that sponsors are only human, all of us perfectly imperfect, all of us just trying to heal together.
Just my two cents, perhaps it's not even what we think, perhaps your healing is triggering something in her that she is just not ready to face in herself. Hers was not a spiritual response, it was a very human response. we can pray and send her love and light.
-- Edited by glad lee on Thursday 1st of November 2012 11:31:21 AM
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
