The material presented
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello! I am 18, freshmen in College, and still living at home. My mom is an alcoholic, and has been prior to when I was born. Shes been to rehab 4 times, most recently a couple months ago. She was sober for a month, and then began drinking again. Right now I dont have a car and she is my ride to and from school, and she has driven me after having had drinks. She denies it, tell me I am over suspicious, etc, but I know for a fact when she has had a drink and when she has not. I dont know how to cope, she has no remorse for her actions. She also is a mean drunk, which doesnt make it any better. This is continuing to effect me making me anxious and depressed. I would really appreciate some advice on how to cope better. thank you
I was about your age (I was 23), when I was living with my father who was an alcoholic. The first thing I am going to recommend is going to an Al-Anon face to face meeting in your area. You should be proud of yourself that you were able to ask for help on this board at such a young age. I wish I had found this program at your age and had the humility to start attending meetings.
Secondly, you should stop nagging on your mom everytime you suspect she is drinking. Alcoholics feel shame when they cave in to their disease and drink. You making her feel bad will just add to that shame and she will continue to drink, as she will have another reason. You need to be able to separate your mom from the disease. This is called loving detachment. be easy on yourself. You didn't cause her drinking, you cant cure it and you cant control it.
Thirdly, if you feel your mom isn't sober enough to drive, try and find another way to school. Is there a bus system in your town/city? Can a friend drive you?
but most importantly, get to a meeting and share your experience with others and listen. You'll see you will feel much better knowing you are not alone.
Thank you for the advice, I will definitely listen to that. I just emailed the contact for alanon in my area, and plan on attending a meeting soon. Thank you
The book "Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drews was a very helpful book. I am glad you found meetings to attend and I am glad you found us at MIP. Sending you love and support! Keep coming back!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
I might look into becoming an RA so I could get free room and board at college. Other than that, Slogan Jim has walked in your shoes so his suggestions are much more from direct experience. Of course Alanon could be a great resource. Adult Children of Alcoholics might aid you also.
-- Edited by pinkchip on Saturday 27th of October 2012 09:06:25 AM
Hi jwall, I'm glad you've found Al-Anon. Both my parents were alcoholics from before I was born and I know what it's like to grow up in a diseased family. My advice would be to go to a face to face meeting as slogan jim suggests. He's right when he says you didn't cause it, you can't cure it and you can't control it. I don't know how much you know about the Al-Anon programme, it a spiritual programme. When I first arrived in Al-Anon I would have discribed myself as an atheist and the talk of god and higher powers put me off but I was asked to keep an open mind and try 6 meeting before I made up my mind about Al-Anon. That was a year ago and it has helped me so much, I'm so grateful for what Al-Anon has given me. I hope you will find the love and support I did. Keep coming back.
