The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I finally dropped off the financial information to my lawyer. I am going through so many emotions, sadness, fear, relief. While I have not told my AH yet that I am ready to file (I will do that in the next few weeks) it is another step I am taking closer to divorce.
After a great session with my therapist when I was wavering, she asked me what he is doing to secure his recovery, and the sad answer is this: after being out of rehab for only one month he has not done the 90 in 90 he promised me, he has not gotten a sponser, he isn't going to his therapist regularly. I also caught him communicating with his female 'fantasies' online a few weeks ago. He did get a job and is taking his meds for the bipolor but that's about it. His job is only 30 hours a week and that is now the new excuse why he doesn't have time for the other stuff. As my therapist says 'he is either in recovery or relapse'. The bottom line is that I just don't think I can gamble more time on someone who isn't in a true program of recovery, full blown relapse is not far behind, he has done this before where he white knuckles sobriety and he thinks he is fine, but it never holds and we end up back on the rollar coaster.
I don't know why I am surprised at his lack of responsibility in his recovery program, but for some reason I am. I am just sad that this is how it has to be, I so want to stay married but I know that I can't do that and live anywhere near a healthy life. The prospect of being alone is terrifying and I worry I will be alone forever but I feel like there is no other option for me. Just sad, it's a rainy day here in Florida and I'm just sad. It always feels better to share with you guys. :) TS
I remember it well. The rain is so appropriate, right? I tried to look at it as a cleansing. It's okay to be sad. Fall was the time of year I filed too. I identified with the leaves falling off the trees, letting things fall away from me, the relationship, the memories, etc. etc. This, too, shall pass.
You're doing so well, my friend. I do have a gentle suggestion because as I was reading your post, I heard my sponsors voice. You list the things he should be doing in recovery... make sure you are tending to your own list. I say this because your life will go on. but if you're like me, you won't want to take you with you, if you know what I mean. it was necessary for me to be very aware of what had happened to me, how I had become deeply sick while living in alcoholic insanity, and a divorce was not going to fix that in me. My sponsor kept pushing me to use the time that I was missing him and substitute it with lots of recovery... with meetings, fellowship coffees, etc. etc. How else would I ever become "healthy" or ever attract it, if I didn't even recognize it?
Stay close to your local fellowship, they will love you back to health and then someday, you're going to show others how you got through hell and back ((hugs))
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
Hugs Trudy. I know this must be a difficult time for you. It is sad when a marriage ends. But you have put your trust in your HP and that has led you to make this very difficult decision. Trust that you are doing what is right for you, right now.
Know that we are thinking of you and sending good thoughts your way. Hugs, November Sunflower
I can only imagine how scary it is because I can remember how scared I have been, the light at the end of the tunnel is that this too shall pass. I agree just because I'm no longer with the A in my life I desperately still need Alanon and I can't imagine how I walked this road without it.
It really does get better not because I left .. it got better because I continued and continue to work a program of recovery .. it's not a straight line .. at least it's my line and it's my story of my own journey to getting healthy and finding out who I am.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I understand wanting to stay married but deep inside knowing you can't. Not like this. And there is no guarantee that he will change. Because he hasn't shown you that he's serious about change. I don't know you, but I want you to be happy. Have faith that someday you will meet a man who considers YOU his "fantasy woman". You deserve a man who is faithful to you, a friend to you, and who you can trust. It's really not too much to ask. It's the basics for a functional relationship.
Im new here but wanted you to know that I'm going through the exact same thing. I picked up my paperwork from my lawyer today and it still sits in my car. I haven't even opened it up to look at it. My husband of 18 years has been in and out of rehabs and has given me nothing but broken promises for almost two years now. It's difficult because we have two small children together. I wish you the very best.
Watching someone take their life into oblivion emotes a range of emotions. Eventually it begins to destruct you also. I became aware of how my sleep was affected when I moved out this past summer for 2 months and the fact that we are not invited to family functions anymore. Coming to grips with ending the marriage is where I am at now. As this process begins, I have to look for a place to live. Getting my thoughts on a different subject is going to change my outlook on life.
My AW is very much aware of how much damage she has caused the family. She is not participating in any programs at all currently and occassionally states that she is going to change. It is hard to give up on someone, but it is time to begin my own healing.
