The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Still trying to quit these 2 things. Finding all I want to do is smoke and drink coffee more than ever! Anyone have any advice on why things like this are so hard for adult children and codependents?
This would be in the same category as problems with food, spending, distraction, etc.
Hmmm. My craving for everything else I was ingesting or doing that was bad for me left me about 9 months into 12-step recovery. These 2 things hang on. Maybe we should go to a Tobacco Anonymous meeting together :) Hey. That's a good idea!
Addiction masks pain - emotional, physical, other. Be it the alcoholic numbing something in his/her life, or me, the Al Anon, Codependent shoving cookies in my face - it's about relief from pain.
That's where the "taking care of us" is so important. Building up our self awareness, self care, self image, self esteem. All of it will reduce the pain. I'm doing much better in that department compared to several years ago - I actually now like doing things for myself and don't feel guilty. Took awhile!
Went today on my lunch and got Halloween nails just for fun. No reason, just felt like doing it. If I need new clothes now, I get them. I'm still frugal and living within my means but I don't feel guilty for doing things for me. Makes it easier to do things for others too.
Very cool, ASM! I am also frugal and forget that doing my nails even at home is a treat. I really do forget to reward myself with GOOD things. It's funny - after going thru the 12 steps, I removed myself from the places and people I was around who were harmful to me. I was doing it to myself anyway! So I have gone through an "empty" period now, and I've begun to put together a schedule of things to do and places to go where I am much more apt to meet kind people. Like people I my True Self always wanted to be around. It;s taken me a while to really be willing to actually GO. I think this week is the week i do it, probably tomorrow. I have already picked out a few choices. I believe loneliness causes more smoking. Giving ourselves a chance at being around good folks can be a very esteemable act for ourselves and the HP./ God bless.
I quit smoking 20 years ago and I hate the smell of it now. Actually, I was always one of those smokers who held the cigarette far away from my face until I had to take a drag, LOL! I was up to almost 2 packs a day at the age of 22. I quit when I graduated college, it was a promise I made to myself. Yet, when coming out of a meeting one day, one of my friends lit up her cigarette I smelled that wonderful freshly lit cigarette smell and I immediately craved it. Weird, after 20 years! My dad was a 40 year smoker and even though a spinal tumor was damaging his nerve function and he couldn't hold a cigarette during his last living months, he would beg someone to provide him with a cigarette. Luckily, he had wonderful caretakers who would hold his cigarettes up for him so that he could get his nicotine in. It was so painful to watch him die wanting those cigarettes until the bitter end. He was able to give up alcohol so much easier, but the cigarettes were so hard.
If you really want to quit, I wish you the best of luck. It's not just the habit that you're addicted to, it's the chemicals and crap they put in the cigs. Truly nasty stuff, but truly addictive too. You can do it, I've heard that hypnotism sometimes works, have you tried that?
I'm thinking it's your alcoholism history that's making those hard to stop more than the ACOA and the codependency. Alcoholism is a disease of more. I could only stop smoking when I was really ready and it was cold turkey and a day count and all the same tools that I used to stop drinking...meetings....etc. I have not tried to quit drinking coffee yet.
Also, when you take something away, it helps to add something in its place. Even better if you add something that is inconsistent with the thing you are giving up. For instance, replacing drinking with going to AA...those are largely incompatible. I started going to the gym alot right when I quit smoking and that created a lifestyle change that has helped me a lot. If you just quit and don't make other changes - It creates a vacuum and it's even harder then.
Pinkchip has a good point about adding something to take the place of what you're giving up. When I quit drinking coffee, I replaced it with a tea that had chocolate and rich flavors. For the past 12 years I've been starting my morning with 2 cups of green tea and then I drink herbal throughout the day. I can't stand the taste of coffee now. The cigarettes, I had to quit them cold turkey. I think it was just sheer will power that got me to quit on those things, LOL!
I am a double winner and when I quit cigarettes in 1977 after smoking for twenty years, I started walking the next day and within a year was running 5 to 8 miles a day.
On one hand I traded addictions, on the other hand running was better than smoking.
I see that I had no balance, so when it was said alcoholism is a disease of more, that is the truth.
Learning to live has had me be a slow learner, I must admit.
