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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Ya jest never know!
Post Info TOPIC: Ya jest never know!
Debilyn


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Ya jest never know!
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Thank you all for catching me.

Things are even better. It shocks me how situations can happen,blows up in your face sorta, it feels sooo awful, can't eat, drink, sleep, breath. Ya just don't think yet you are on this train to what you believe is the worst thing.

Then whoa, I did learn something!

I admit all the time, I am damaged. Scared that men will leave me, so my first instinct when one shows me high emotion is to RUN. This time he would not let me, he said I am sticking, I am here no matter if you contact me or not.

I was NOT going to. But I woke up and did.

Then instead of an email I called my best friend. We will call him D for uh hmmm dipstick! (c:

I drove up to the dirt road off my main road by my cabin to get a signal. Standing in the monsoon leaning over  my deck looking at a very rushing river, eh no not today, to get a signal.

It was like something had broken down in me. The wall was gone. this was my D, this guy was still here. It felt 100% more comfortable than it ever has. We talked and listened for 1 !/2 hours! This is a guy who does not share emotions, thinks he does not know how. We had the best talk.

The best thing is!!! He shared to his wife that I had encouraged him to tell her how he felt and wanted to see her.

Actually he said he blurted it out. lol Then shaking his head he thought, "OH lord."

All these years I have been soooo careful not to ever give her any indication he and I were friends as I did not ever want her hurt. big mouth dipstick..

BUT it was good. She was very ok. He told her the truth, that we are friends, that I am older than they are. that is the truth. I am sure she pictured me with short curly permed hair, old lady glasses, boobs to my waist and bent over. Anyway I am sooo glad she knows and believes he and I are friends.

I will not do anything different. She is still the priority. I prayed and prayed about this. cool eh?

day at a time. Learned that even though two people can really have a bad bumping of heads and still be ok. He is not leaving. In fact he asked me to be level headed as he is not doing well. dipstick, told him to go to doc to tell him what he did.

Anyway you guys were a step in healing me thru that one. Its HUGE For me, HUGE. In all these years I have never been able to let go and feel that comfy to talk with him. (c:

anyhoo.... ((((((((MIP FAMILY)))))))))



-- Edited by Debilyn on Tuesday 23rd of October 2012 01:04:06 PM

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DavidG


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 Inside of Alanon we have to careful of the boundaries between women and men...

Having said that I have bin to so many meetings nothing really would surprise me

or floor me at all.

Being in Alanon had made me a much better man.

 

Outside of the programme i have had one or two chickmates... I think it is a great thing...

it fills in the emotional gaps I missed between the ages of 8 and 17...

I have learned to see women as individuals... just just as "them".

 

Thanks Debilyn aww   DavidG.



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Jerry F


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Glad you're getting thru it Deb...and David thanks for the share and the honesty...I myself was re-raised by the women in Al-Anon and because of it was falling in love every other minute with this one and that one and this one and that one...I wasn't listening I was looking and then I found myself being kept in my place when the males in recovery started to show up...We were able to share mirror reflections of each other and see where we were going crooked.  We learned how to love unconditionally without wanting to own "her" or "take that one home".  I learned a completely different perspective regarding women that came from face to face meetings with HP.  "These are women, children of God, human beings with wisdoms and experiences and feelings and the need for respect and honor.  They are sister, nieces, aunts, mothers, wives and daughters and not objects for my own personal use.  Higher recovery education and I came to understand and understand still.  Listening to the sisters in Al-Anon share their pain helped me to understand that they didn't need more especially from me.  That of course also goes for outside the program too...they are all children of God and that creation must be respected.   ((((hugs)))) smile



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DavidG


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Hmmm this is more to you Jerry, hope Debilyn don't mind us tagging along inside of her thread...aww

When I started with Alanon most all the members were older, and all women. Gradually they seemed to get younger and younger. I recall hanging out with  three other members in one of their homes. Then nek minnit I realised that there was some chemistry going on with me and one of 'em. It was no big deal and did not go on from there. Actually it made me realise I was getting better emotionally.

The chick stuff happens for me out there in the wide world... I am married, of course- and most all of it is in my head. When i was in my teens I had strong crushes on a number of my age-mates- but did not have the social skills to do anything about it! One was my older cousin... and we have talked about that in recent times. There was a time she felt the same way.

I called to see her recently- she has a new bloke and she so much wanted me to meet him. He is a south island native and we got on famously- and I we know a lot of people in common. He gave me whitebait which is the local delicacy...

Some of the old traditional barriers between men and women have come down. That does not mean open slather- of course not... but it does make for a more human, more adult and more relaxed set of boundaries.

Thanks for your space Debilyn, and for your time Jerry...

not sure if you get to the convention in Honolulu next week or so...? But if you happen to be there look out for a short kiwi chick who will give you a hug from me!awwawwaww

aroha nui roa, ehoa... smile

he oti ano, naku noa na rawiri [david]



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Each Alanon member is my teacher.                                                                                                                  
Debilyn


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WOOHOO!! You guys can share my thread anytime!

It was great hearing the male side of things. The way you both put it was very respectful and truthful. I know to a point how men think, I also know to givem a shove to go in a different direction with those thoughts! lol

With respect and true friendship we all have a lot to offer.

David I love it when you show up. You guys are a very special part of MIP.

Debilyn



__________________

Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
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