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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> My head is going to explode!
Post Info TOPIC: My head is going to explode!
ilovedogs


~*Service Worker*~

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My head is going to explode!
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Ugh, AH has returned from Costa Rica all filled with love and appreciation for me. He thinks our marriage is over and actually said, "I wish you could have changed me.". Wow, I guess I didn't realize how hard I must have been working to change him all these years. Unfortunately, what he still doesn't seem to get is that he needs to grow up and take responsibility for his actions and put new ones into place so that I can trust him again. Or at least, begin to start trusting him. He keeps professing his love for me, pines over the possible loss of me, etc but he seems frozen. He seems unwilling or unable to get himself into therapy or get into AA or even read a book that would help him grow and change. I guess there's a part of me that feels sorry for him and wants to take down my protective walls and see where that goes, but there's the other part that knows he's an alcoholic and that, without real recovery, he'll probably slip back into his old behaviors and that we could be back to square one. Of course, that really won't happen as I am further along in my own recovery. Yet, I find it sad that he whines about how he's created this mess in our lives but then takes no action to fix it. It's infuriating!!! Ok' that's the end of my rant, lol!

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Struggling to find me......
Bettina


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Loves,

typical alcoholic conversation isnt it. " I wish you could have changed me". What an arrogant ass.
Just the behavior of an Alcoholic who makes excuses for his behavior and knows that he is powerless over his drinking and behavior and wants to put it on you. Don't let him.

Until he is ready to get help and get into a program, well you know the rest.

Dont feel sad for him, feel glad for you that you are in a recovery program and the future for you can only get better no matter where that takes you. Get strong enough that you dont have to build walls, get serene enough that negativity cannot penetrate your happiness.

Keep coming back.

Hugs, Bettina


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Bettina
rehprof


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yep...for me, I got tired of waiting for him to figure it out...

be gentle with yourself in this time of ambiguity...



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Jerry F


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That sounds like a case of denial...maybe he'll wake up soon....ESH   ((((Hugs)))) smile



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glad lee


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I got so confused when he said he loved me, but his actions said something else, that's what made me insane, the words and actions not matching up. Your post brought back the memory of my sponsors voice, telling me over and over and over, "He is NOT going to change.... don't count on him changing.... he's not going to change.... he's not.... he's not...... he's not......"

If your step 4 inventory is anything like mine, the exact nature of my "wrong" during my marriage, was my deep desire, my greatest wish... my wishing, wishing WISHING!!!! and expectation that some day he's going to change. that is what I wanted. I even held onto a shred of hope after the divorce, that he had been launched into reality and was now willing to change so we could get back to my fantasy of being a happy family. That was my deepest desire. Had nothing to do with REALITY.

I am so very grateful for how things have worked out, never in my wildest dreams did I think life could feel this good. a life of faith is soooooo Good.

God didn't bring you this far to drop you on your head, my friend. It's going to be okay, all is well ((hugs))



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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
Debilyn


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Knock knock knock? You are hitting your head against a wall! What are you doing?? haha

There is no reason to analize or think he would pick up a book or go to AA or anything.He is an addict he is sick.

He is what he is.If we try to rationalyze these guys of course our heads will explode, we will pull our hair out, clench our teeth, have gut problems, anxiety, becuz its all for NOT. We cannot change anything, expect anything.

He does not get it and probably never really will becuz they do not think like a non A.

Same O, drop your elbows, take breaths thru your nose and out your mouth. let it gooooooo let it goooooo.

hugs,debilyn

 



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

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Icie


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My heart breaks for all of you & I am so happy to see that you are getting well.

My heart is breaking because my one son is a alcoholic & I miss him so very much, I had to set him free,
As I could not put up with the insanity, the crazy insane behavior & his girlfriend who is also a alcoholic, a drinking buddy. I seen how all of this is affecting his children, my grandchildren & her children from a former marriage.

Another son is married to alcoholic lady, who constantly, constantly lies, cons & manipulates my son. She tells lies, says I did such & such or said such & it really hurt her feelings & gets my son to lash out at me. For 10 years I would apologize to her even when I knew I had not done what I was being accused of, to keep my son in my life.
Will a few weeks ago there was another incidence & I told my son that she will never ever be welcome into my home unless she apologizes & goes for treatment, only him & the kids are welcome. He said sorry they are a package, which was fine, I knew he would say that.... I let go......Now 3 days ago he text-ed me to tell me he loved me & family should stick together.......I said yes if family treat each other with respect, love & kindness. I told him once again I love him & that him & the kids are welcome, but his wife needs to go for treatment & apologize before she is welcome.....

What I am trying to say is as much as it hurts, I am staying strong, working the program setting my boundries & turning the rest over to my higher power.

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Icie

"Holding a grudge is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die..."

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WorkingThroughIt


~*Service Worker*~

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The 12 steps have taught me that I can only change ME. I have to let a sponsor who really knows how to inventory teach it to me so I can see my part in my resentments. Otherwise I'll stay stuck in an angry place and it'll come out sideways on anyone who reminds me of the people I'm mad at.

There is a solution if we are open-minded and seek. Those of us who've been around for a while know exactly where it is, too. And then it's about willingness. Are we willing to do it or not? Seems like a big choice, to stay stuck in anger or to truly live on a spiritual basis.



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