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Hi. My name is slogan_jim and I am a grateful member of Al-Anon.
My alcoholic father keeps re-hashing the past and things that he regrets. I keep receiving text messages from him and it's just a giant pity party. Here's how the conversation went.
'I love you'
'I wouldn't replace you for the world'
Me: "I love you to but I'm not going to be the answer to your problem. I pray for you dad and hope you find the strength to push through whatever is stopping youfrom seeking help"
"Sorry Son"
Me: "Dont be sorry, just know that I forgive you. You now have to forgive yourself"
"True"
Me: "Until you do that you wont get better. Your disease can be contained. The support is out there for you if you ask for it. I know you can do it to"
"True I appologize for what you have been through"
That's when I relized I was talking to an alcoholic that was drunk. He skipped work again for the second day in a row according to my sister who lives with him. The responses to his texts are just to appease me and then continue his pity-party. I have seen this scenario before though. I have a very scary feeling that he will lose his job over this as has been the case in the past. Apparently though, in Canada you cannot get fired for being an alcoholic.
I am very proud of my reaction. I am calm, collected and handing it over to my higher power. It is up to him to take care of it. I will be going to a meeting tonight.
I have so much help. The fellowship, friends in the fellowship, my sponsor, my sister, this board. I remember a few months ago, I asked my higher power for help and advised that I couldn't do this alone anymore. He defenitely answered the call. I am so blessed.
I think this is awesome! Giving it to your higher power is a hard thing to do when you have been so used to doing things a certain way for so long! And awesome job on recognizing the pattern so you could give it over to your higher power!!!!
Slogan Jim Of course alcoholic's can be fired from their jobs in Canada. My Alcoholic son is about to lose his management job, ( fired ) It breaks my heart, there is nothing I can do but turn him over to GOD, Get out of the way, pray for him & put the foucs back on me, take care of myself.
__________________
Icie
"Holding a grudge is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die..."
SJim, In a weird way your post actually helped me just now. I was ready to throw the remote right through the tv screen because of AH obnoxious behavior after daily drinks. That's why I came here. Turn it over to HP, ahh yes , how could I forget that? TY for timely reminder. wp
Ya did a good job there Jim ! Someone told me when I was new to the program that talking to an A is like talking (reasoning) with a STOP sign. I thought about that a couple days and it finally hit me what he meant. The sign is saying STOP don't waste your energy or get upset. They don't want to hear what you have to say and in their own ways they are trying to tell you that. The way you engaged your father was wonderful. He can have his pity party as all A's do (and alanon's too) but if you stop yourself from getting emeshed in their party, detach with love then you are doing great ! Blessings
