I don't normally respond on this board, although I do come here and read, so that I can gain perspective. You see, I am the AW. I related to your post because it was when my husband told me to get out that I finally realized how sick I was. The thing was, he had been telling me how sick I was for a couple of years, and I kept promising to "get better". But I couldn't. Not by myself. I didn't know that at the time. I just thought I was some weak willed failure of a person. He kept telling me he was going to leave, but he never did. In my sick mind at the time, I thought I wanted him to. But he never left, and finally I stopped listening to what I considered idle threats.
Then, he had finally had enough and told me to get out. I knew he meant that, and he knew I didn't have any place to go. It didn't matter to him, he could not and would not watch me continue to destroy myself and my life, our family. I hated him at that moment. But, I was scared enough to go to treatment. So I stayed. I wish I could say that I've been sober since then, but I cannot. It took me another 6 months of hiding, lying, to get to the point where I was ready to get sober. For me. It wasn't that I didn't love my husband, love my kids. It was just that until I was willing to surrender and do what I needed to do for me, because I wanted it, I could not. That didn't mean I loved my husband or kids less, or not enough, but that I didn't love myself enough.
Now that I am changing, life is sometimes better, sometimes different. If we can work through our past or not remains to be seen, and trust is still in the rebuilding process. No matter what happens in our future, I will always be grateful to him for loving me enough to make me go, if that was what it was going to take.
At this point, I would say that you need to love yourself enough to follow through on what you need to do for you and your family. If she doesn't have anywhere to go, that's not your problem. If she's going to get sober, she has to love herself enough to do so. Sadly enough, you can love her to your dying breath, and unless she is willing to do so, she will not change.
Hope I didn't offend anyone by posting this.

I think nezy's post is spot on. About 15 months ago, after my AH's first detox, I didn't let him come back. He moved in with his mom. Not that I didn't love him, but my sanity was at stake and I absolutely had to stay strong for the people I could, and needed to take care of - myself and my small child. Fast forward to now and while we still are separated, he has over a year sobriety and is working a strong program. He is putting his sobriety first and I am putting my sanity and my and my son's well-being first. I don't know if that would have been possible if we still lived together. I try not to worry about the future too much and am taking it a day at a time now. You could be doing yourself and her the biggest favor possible, even if it feels lousy right now.
Sending you support.

Yes i own it and no her name is not on the morgage. I talk with a friend of mine who is a lawyer. Bucause of Idaho residancy laws the soonest i could have her removed is 60 days. I have to file an eviction then wait 30 day for that to be served then wait another 30 days till the sheriff executes the eviction. Im affraid my streanghth and resolve won't last that long. Everyday i just want to buckle and run to her hold her in my arms and tell her i dont want her to leave and i don't want to loose her. I have cried myself to sleep the last two nights. It is hard for a 38 yr old father to admit he is crying himself to sleep.

Rellik, there is a wonder set of books out there titled "Getting Them Sober, you can help."  The title is a bit misleading... you may not end up gettng them sober, but the books are chuck full of the steps you can take to be in full recovery via Al-anon and move on with your life.  I'm in the same boat.  My AH and I do have some good days, but they aren't nearly as frequent now.  I tried the steps but it's clear my AH won't go into recovery so I had a big "Ah Ha" moment over that last week, and now know I must take the steps to get him out of my home (I am sole owner).

I'm just now beginning the process of getting him out and have been keeping a daily journal of what life is like with him.  That's such an eye-opener!  I think for many of us our biggest obstacle is our denial that the situation is that bad.  Like yesterday he and I had a pretty good day for the most part and I could feel denial kicking in once again!  But by the end of the day enough little aggravating things happened that I was able to write about the honesty of the day.  Now when I go back and read what I wrote before it's harder to deny... plus I see the drinking trends now.  The never-ending cycles.

My AH is addicted to the delivery of  zingers so that I get frustrated or angry on a daily basis and then he can use me as his excuse for drinking.  He doesn't drink every day, but he delivers his mean and cruel zingers every day.  I am soooo tired of his self-absorbtion. He thinks my life revolves around him too.  But it does not.  So very tired of what a jerk he is.  So tired of all of it all, really.

I'd suggest trying journaling so that you can use it as a tool to get past your emotions and see the truth of the situation you're in.  I think it's going to be very help for me too when it comes time to be hardcore and boot him out.  Not looking forward to that part of it, but I am really looking forward to after he is finally out, having peace and serenity at home.  Best of luck.

I just got back from a walk in the park. I took my journal, layed down on the grass in the shade, prayed and began to write. What i wrote came from somewhere i cannot describe. I am a fighter always have been. Offten fighting for the wrong reasons (not a physical fighter but mental and emotional).    "For the past two years we have fought for our relationship. You have fought to prove that you truly love me, and i have fought to show you how sorry i was for how i treated you during my campaign. Neither one of us was fighting for ourselves. Now as you move to your program and i mine, neither one if us has the energy to fight for us anymore. You must fight for your sobriety and i must fight for my stability. I would battle the world for your love...and I WOULD WIN THAT BATTLE!!! But that is not the the case. I am battling YOU for your love. That is a battle I CANNOT WIN! I must focus on battling my own demons and the hold they have on me. I cannot fight for us anymore. I pray that she can ask and recieve the streanght to fight for herself. If it is your will God give her the energy and desire to fight for us as well. If not I understand, but save her I beg of you, save her from herself. Give me the streagth to come to terms with my demons let me face them and conqure their hold on me."

I realise while writing this that i still cannot focus entirly on myself yet. but i feel alot better now. Im more comfortable with the situation and i dont need to know RIGHT NOW what is going to happen. I also know she will be home in an hour or so and im going to end up hidding in my room.