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I am pissed that my boyfriend last night was found to be be sneaky and hiding fb messages between him and the girl we had already had to discuss due to a weird party photo of them previously titled getting leighed with Jen, funny huh, not to this girlfriend, Why would he be needing hugs and hanging on some lil girls at school, my exAH never did such outlandish things. When I asked him about it, he blamed me for being distrusting, lol, yes I was distrusting his sneaky behavior that he admitted that he tried to delete and that I shouldn't have been able to see. No accountability in it at all. I am tired of feeling like this guy needs other young girls attention and whatever else to fluff his ego even if he is faithful, why hide it then? I wasn't even snooping I was showing my friend and her Mom pictures of us on his page from this Summer when I came across the convo. I am just not a happy camper and this rainy day fits my mood! I have to really look at this relationship after 3 months it has me regressing and wondering what i am doing and I was so proud he wasn't an A. Geez and for crying out loud, haha, I have to figure out how to bring this to an end and just be alone so I don't drive myself to the train station.
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Sending hugs. Before I was with my AH I was with a very disloyal guy who cheated on my countless times and I refused to admit to myself he wasn't going to change. Not to accuse someone i don't even know of cheating on you, I just mean to say I understand your anger and what you are feeling. I hope you can find the path you need to walk and keep strong.
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Weather by irony or fate, this Al-anon site came into my life when I needed it the most, hours before I even knew I would need it this much. I thank you ALL for your kind words, inspiring stories, and support!
The first guy I had a relationship after my ex-A was also not an alcoholic...but he was a liar and a cheat. Not sure if that is the case here, but if it feels wrong this early on, it probably is. Granted - three months into a relationship is short, I wouldn't even consider myself totally committed to a person after such a short time. Serious intimacy and a committed relationship need to develop over time. You are not meant to walk the path alone...that's a bit much. Truth is, you will kiss some frogs before finding your prince. 1 frog down maybe. Chin up!!
You know BF .. I just think that I tend to see red flags that are realistically duvets or comforters in size .. and I will say ohhh what a cute red hankie!!
I also realize I have to get over the idea of someone else being perfect. It's just not going to happen either.
That being said .. trust your gut. You know how you want to be treated and what you do not want in a relationship. If it is a deal breaker than it's a deal breaker. When someone is showing me who they are .. I need to believe them.
For me now and considering my divorce is not finalized .. I really have looked at my life and gone .. hmmm .. there is no room in it at the moment for me to even think about devoting time to a relationship. Friendship .. yes I'm open to that .. however full blown relationship? No, .. not so much at this point. It's about to get wild and crazy ... I'm going to be going to bed at 7pm every night .. LOL .. granted I will be up at 4am .. good grief .. it's a busy life!!!
Hugs sisterfriend, as you know .. it gets better and you know what is and is not ok for you!! Sending you lots of love and support, P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I was just thinking earlier today that the next man that thinks he can be with me, better be freaking perfect, cause my first was a cheater and liar and my second was an addict.
My standards are just way too high! LOL
I am pretty happy being alone now...although it has only been about 6 months. Maybe different later, who knows.
You are allowed to feel however you feel. Dont let anyone downplay your feelings :)
How long has he known this 'jen'? Is it someone he met that night or do they go back 15 years? I have a female friend I've known for about 5 years and we always joke around about dating and sex, but we both know nothing will ever come of it. I agree that if after 3 months you cant trust him, then it's not going to get any easier. Actions always speak louder than words imo.
I am in a situation where I feel like having a partner to share my life with would make some things a lot better. Because I havn't had much luck, I have also told myself that maybe at this point it's not in the cards. I have decided to come and use this time to work on myself. I have decided to amp up my recovery. I have gotten a sponsor. became a gr and have made many an amends to people that I've felt I've wronged. I even contacted an ex-girlfriend from 2 years ago to gain some closure. She was so thankful !
My point is sometimes for me, I tend to want to rush into things and force solutions, and dating chemistry is one of those things. I will continue to do my part but must also let my higher power do his.
I get the impression its way deeper than the facebook picture, just the fb picture and its explanation not sitting well sort of brought an issue out into the open more, if that makes sense. Nothing wrong with telling the guy that you need to back off for a while and give yourself time to think. The relationship isn't going where you need it to go, no harm no foul. But then I am pretty biased toward thinking, better to be alone than with the wrong person - whatever shape that person turns out to be. No matter how beautifully wonderful his good side is, polish a turd and its still a turd!
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
I'm soooo sorry however LMH .. you made me laugh out loud with the comment that polish a turb it's still a turd .. I am sooooo stealing that!!
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
You have more people that support you than you know. The best piece of advice I EVER got in a counselling session was that you can never truly be happy with someone else until you are happy being just with yourself alone. Hang in there! Today is a new day.
I came into Al-Anon because I married my A. I know I wasn't until marrying the culmination of all my bad boys past brought me to my knees seeking help and I have been on this board and attending my meeting for a year now. Al-Anon has given me myself.
So saying, I can relate to what has happened with this particular frog. Trust your gut. We've learned through working our programs to listen to ourselves. We've learned to trust our HP and you have to really tune in when it comes to this situation to what your gut and your HP are trying to tell you.
Honestly I think you are so brave, because I have sworn up and down that if things don't work out with my AH I don't ever want to get married again. I will happily return to my condo and enjoy my life, without having to deal with answering to another person.
Hi....I am 5 years in the program and let me tell you that from a woman who was raised with a sky high ego and zero self esteem, this is where alot of my issues with choosing the wrong partners originated. I married an alcoholic, my next serious relationship was with an alcoholic who I ended up supporting over 100% because THIS one could not keep a job, only to have him pass away last year from the devastation of his disease at 49. My ex brother in law committed suicide at 42 leaving a note that simply stated, "The bottle won." so I have alot of history to pull from regarding my life and now. I also have 2 out of 3 sons who are both in recovery, but not seriously until 28 and 30 years old after countless DWI charges and devastation both in multiple hospitalizations and Rehabs. That being said, if I had not been willing to do ANYTHING to get myself better and help in relearning MY behavior patterns, I am sure I would have been in a mental institution those 5 years ago. I have learned in the rooms, by getting a sponsor and working the STEPS with all I have heart and soul, no matter how much it hurt at times to see where I contributed to my own demise. I found that I ignored my "gut" all the time, I was terrified of being alone and felt as if I were a failure if I could not maintain a relationship. I am now 10 years post divorce and finally in what I believe to be the healthiest REAL relationship I've ever been in. I actually LISTENED to the small still voice when I felt I was bored, there was not enough EXCITEMENT and little to no drama happening, to "hang in there" I knew there was something I needed to learn. It was not until I got OK with myself and forgave myself for what I believed I had been lacking all those years ago, that my Higher Power brought what I truly needed in my life, not necessarily what I WANTED. ( oh and did I HAVE A LIST to boot)!!!! Being alone is not truly alone. It is more like making room and emptying yourself of unneeded baggage to receive better gifts when you are ready. If you do not look at yourself throughout holy and honestly, you will be repeating the same insanity of repeated patterns until you finally are exhausted and DO SEE with open eyes, I found the blinders finally lifted after all these years in the rooms. I could not be more grateful. I know what serenity is now, I know REAL joy and happiness and instead of waiting for the "other shoe to drop" with my sons, I am grateful for each day, one at a time that they are sober, their journey is not my business to orchestrate anymore! New to the forum, but know there is real life and real hope with this program that will help you "live and let live" and find the happiness that has alluded us for so long!
