The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was told this group would be a good thing for me, even though it relates to narcotics more-so than alcohol. An addiction is an addiction, I suppose. Might be long-winded, but here goes:
I've been together with my boyfriend for a year now. We knew eachother all through grade school and reconnected a year ago. I think the main draw was the uncanny connection we share through the experiences and memories from our childhood. We'd see eachother several times a week, and I would sometimes notice weird behavior in him -- crazy paranoia, insomnia, hallucinations, etc. I'd just sweep it under the rug. I was just too trusting to believe it was drug use, and would rather have believed he was really experiencing these weird things in his house... all the while wasting evenings with him while he was in this state. I didn't care! I was in love and getting deeper into it.
Fast forward about 7 months to when I was supposed to turn 30. He boasted about how he had all these amazing things planned for my birthday. But when the day came, I was greeted by his hallucinations, paranoia, and very threatening language. He brought me to tears for the Nth time and completely ruined a birthday I was already bummed to be having (I'm getting old, what can I say ), but my love for him somehow managed to deal with it for the entire day, even through dinner when he was very irritable and began falling asleep during the conversation.
I realized that night I needed help so I contacted a close friend of his who has been involved in the same type of drug use, but cared deeply about his well being. The next day we intervened and we were able to bring him to a sort of breaking point. He cried and confessed to me later that night, and told me about how he regretted everything he ever did to wrong me. I began to feel relief when he stopped popping pills... and the months became a little easier.
He's in a better spot now, getting his GED, focusing on getting his life together, etc. I'm still with him because he has made progress and deep down has a heart of gold. But I still feel the residual pain and hurt from the times he screwed me over. There isn't a day that goes by when I don't scan his face and his body language for a sign of pill popping, or any sign that he's doing something that will ultimately ruin the day. Is it normal to consciously analyze his behavior to try and figure out where he was, what he was doing? He swears to me everything is fine. But I have an extremely hard time allowing myself to trust him. Is there an easy answer, or approach -- whether solo or together with him?
You are in the right place.....The others gave you good advice..I know exactly how you are feeling we were all exactly where you are & feeling exactly as you are feeling.......Keep coming back & try & get to some face to face Al Anon meetings Sending, love, understanding & support
-- Edited by Icie on Saturday 13th of October 2012 11:09:22 AM
__________________
Icie
"Holding a grudge is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die..."
Alanon is a fellowship of people who live or have lived with the problem of alcoholism I know that our counterpart also exists in Narcotics Antonymous. We do understand as few others can. As you say addiction is addiction We accept that are powerless over these addictions. We did not cause them. cannot control them and cannot cure them The best suggestions that we can offer is to :
"Take Care of Yourself".
There are Face to Face meetings in your community Check out the hot line number in the white pages and attend. Here I learned to break the isolation, live one day at a time, focused on my well being and feelings, trusting a Higher Power.
Yes it is normal for someone who has been negatively affected by another's addiction to become suspicious about and obsessed with the addict and their behavior. While you are doing this you are not focused on the one person you CAN change- yourself. And the disease has you as well as your loved one. Alanon can help you shine a light on the real issues here and help you find your way out of the confusion. Sending support~ greener grass
Thank you for giving me the extra push to go to a f2f meeting. I went Saturday night and felt like a load was lifted off my shoulders when I heard others' stories. I'm finally among folks who understand and was able to get some insight. I'm planning on attending more in an effort to progress. Thanks again!
), but my love for him somehow managed to deal with it for the entire day, even through dinner when he was very irritable and began falling asleep during the conversation.