How Can I handel MY boyfriends alcholism??????? - Al-Anon Family Group

ccl7445 · Newbie

How Can I handel MY boyfriends alcholism???????

rehprof · ~*Service Worker*~

CCL --

Welcome. You are among friends, and I'm glad you found us.

If you can, pick up Toby Rice Drews book "getting them sober" and also melodie beattie's books on codependency...when I read them I feel so much better, because I know i am not alone, and that I am NOT crazy. I have just been in a crazy situation...and doing the best I can with what I have.

What would you do for a friend in your situation? You deserve to take care of yourself in the same way. What can you do for YOU today?

You didn't cause his drinking, can't control it, can't cure it (the three Cs)

Face to face meetings are really helpful, and alanon has them in most communities....

I can hear the desperation in your post. Know that it can get better...and alanon can help you find a way...

PLEASE take care...and keep coming back...you are NOT alone...

In support,

RP

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

CCL - There's really nothing you can do to change him, but there are all sorts of things you can do to change you. It seems strange at first when the biggest issue would appear to be his drinking - but it's your reaction and the boundaries you set that will lead to you feeling much better.

You have described living with an abusive terrorist basically. Aside from alanon, I would check on domestic abuse helplines and women's shelters. None of this is your fault. I am sure you could not see this coming when you got with him in the beginning.

Above all, don't give up on you. There will be some solution evident in the future.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Dear CCL

Welcome to Miracles in Porgress

You have received great suggestions from Mark and RP. I simply wanted to welcome you and say:

PLEASE Search out The Alanon Meetings in your community and ATTEND. It is very important for you to break the isolation caused by living in this destructive manner. At meetings you will develop a support group and new tools to live by.

Keep coming back here and you will join us on our journey to becoming Miracles in Progress.

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

CCL - Also remember, you are right in the middle of the worst chaos right now. You are interacting with a very sick person for hours daily. Your perception of the world around you has grown dark and twisted from that. Going to alanon meetings and reaching out for help like you did here will let little bits of the real world back in. The real world is not so bad. The "life stress" you are imagining is so crushing is temporary. You will get through if you keep seeking out help.

Icie · Senior Member

Welcome CCL

Welcome to Miracles in Porgress

You have received great suggestions from Mark and RP. I came on to welcome you

PLEASE Search out The Al Anon Meetings in your community and ATTEND. You will receive help for you, lots of understanding & support

Keep coming back here and join us on our journey to getting our life in order and the focus off the alcoholic & doing what is best for us .

Sending love & support

Overcome · Senior Member

CCL - I just wanted to add to the very good suggestions that pinkchip, Betty and RP gave. I have been where you are at, and I got out of the chaos. It can be done, but it can only be done by you. They have given you some very good tools to work with, f2f meetings, domestic shelters, some good book suggestions and coming here to MIP. To the book suggestions I'd like to add, "Boundaries" by Cloud and Townsand. It was suggested to me by a counselor and saved my life! Please don't give up on YOU and don't give up on LIFE! There is so much to look forward to...

Just take that first step toward recovery...

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." ~ Lao-tzu

In peace and love,

Lisa (Overcome)

rehprof · ~*Service Worker*~

Lisa -- I'm getting the boundaries book! Thanks!

Overcome · Senior Member

RP - they have one entitled "Boundaries with Kids" too, it's great!

sundance · Newbie

There isn't any thing you can do its his disease, I too live with an alcoholic. Who is a bully and gets verbal and physical.......We have been together for 14 years. I dont drink, my addiction is eating, so I too have a disease. Especially when I block it out of my head. There is nothing you can do. Believe me. I dont love him anymore and we sleep in different rooms. I know the anger cause its sad to say I wish he were dead! It has affective my weigh gain and health. It is not his fault but my own. If you are a young woman get out, and go on with your life. Until he admits and wants help it won't happen. I am sorry to be so blunt, but ask anyone who knows this disease. Or watch Intervention on TV its all true, When they are happy your happy, when they have a bad day, you have a bad day. Its is emotionally draining. I wish you all the best. God bless you......Hugs. Diane

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Cd. Pinkchip is right. This is a matter of saving your life. The dept of human resources in your county can give you a phone number for a domestic support person. If he does those things to you, he has crossed the line. He can easily kill you or make you disabled forever.

It's zero about him. We learn to take care of us, get ourselves out of dangerous situations.

We get so enmesed in their disease we lose ourselves.

I hope you will get the help you vitally need. We also recommend people call 911. He won't learn anything if we don't.

Also with him abusing, he could end up in jail and or prison, so its best to stop this situation now.

we all care very much! come back, debilyn

Kate123 · Member

Someone else recommended Tobey Rice Drews book "Getting them Sober." I've purchased 5 of her books now and they are changing my life! I too thought I could get my Alchoholic Husband (AH) to stop drinking and being verbally abusive but that's not going to be the case. I must leave him. I cannot live with his abusive treatment any longer.

Her books will give you the tools to stay or to move on too. In your case you are in a very dangerous situation with both verbal and physical abuse going on. Please start figuring out how you can take better care of YOU regardless of whether he continues to drink or not. Please consider this.

Starting a journal of what you have to deal with on a daily basis would probably help you to see what changes you need to make in your life to achieve sanity. NO ONE deserves to be battered or physically abused. No one. Please figure out how you can take the focus off of him and whatever he is doing and put it all on YOU. No one will ever love you as much as you must learn to love yourself, faults and all. You are a loveable person no matter what. And especially not matter what he says. Remember, he is using your attempts to "help" to stay sick, not to get well. He is also using your "help" to keep you hooked into his game. So if you disengage, hey! Then he might see he has a problem, and his problem is not you.

And if there are local Al-Anon meetings please start attending. Al-Anon may be the kindest gift you can give to yourself at the moment. Hugs!

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