In our Courage to Change (C2C) daily mediation book it says, "The Al-anon program encourages me to acknowledge my feelings and to be responsible for how I express them. The problem is not that I get angry, but that I do not know how to direct my anger appropriately." I thought that this was so true! Feeling our feelings is a very important part of the recovery process, but we also need to remember that "Feelings are not Facts." They are just feelings, and they are valid. I just read a page in C2C that said, "I'm usually such a gentle, easy-going person that you'd never believe what happens when I get angry. I fly into a rage, my blood pressure seems to double, and I unleash a torrent of profanity. After years in Al-Anon, my anger is still a problem, but my behavior has greatly improved." WOW!! this is so me! I could relate to this in every aspect! I just wish I could say that my behavior has improved, though; but better late than never! There was another sentence a few lines down that also caught my eye, "I do not have the right to take it out on others." I realized I have been justifying my outbursts based on what I have been through, but as much as I have been through, it does not give me the right to take it out on others, especially the innocent. (even the not so innocent)

Again, reading in C2C it said, "The slogan that helps me back to a rational state of mind is "Easy Does It." When I use this slogan to quiet myself on the inside, it is easier to quiet the outside as well." I had always wondered what that slogan was for! lol Now I guess I know! So that is another "tool" I will try to start using, say "Easy Does It" when I recognize that I am about to "lose it," count to ten and take a deep breath. Sometimes I just have to walk away... not to far mind you, maybe just in the next room will do it. "Detach" in effect, even if I have to do it physically.

I can use the 3 As; Awareness, Acceptance, Action. I can become aware of my anger, accept that it is a part of me at times and make appropriate choices on how to handle that anger (action). This might be beating a pillow, going for a long walk, calling a trusted al-anon friend, journaling or any other constructive way to release my anger.

Anger can give an illusion of power. For a little bit I may feel like I am in contol of the situation, or over other people, but in reality this is a false power and it will eventually let me down. The only real power I have come to realize is mentioned in the Eleventh Step: the power to carry out God's will. "No one can control the insidious effect of alcohol, or its power to destroy the graces and decencies of life... But we do have a power, derived from God, and that is the power to change our own lives." ~ One Day at a time in Al-Anon.

I think this is what's been happening to me. I feel like I'm "out of control" here with mom's situation (she has Alzheimer's) and my life as it is today. But I have forgotten that God is still in Control. That makes me think of that Twila Paris song, "God is in Control" don't know if you've ever heard it, but it's great!

Overcome