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I think the no cross talk rule applies more in group settings because then everyone gets a chance to be heard. The meeting doesn't become all about one situation. With newcomers there tends to be more cross talk just because everyone wants to help. I find it natural to want to jump in and help someone in pain. Sometimes just listening to other as they share helps me say something that is more from my heart in those situations. I don't know if that makes sense. I don't think this is a new thing, it becomes more necessary the larger groups are as time does become an issue.
Our Tuesday group has gone from 5 - 8 consistant members to up towards 20 on a bigger night for us that is HUGE!! So it just becomes a necessary rule to keep things more in a timely basis. I know I have stayed later to talk to other newcomers ask if they have further questions and so on. There are nights I really need to get home.
Great topic though :) Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I interpret it as no interrupting during sharing. I've seen instances where someone will be sharing and in the middle of their sentence another member will say something to the effect of ' really? No!' Or say 'but how do I do that !?' While they are talking. They are always newcomers and don't know any better but they are told nicely it's not allowed
my group has no cross talk....and I like it, us al-aloners love to help and give advice if we get the chance (or it could be just me!) lol. So its nice to be know that I can't talk just listen, something I have always had trouble with. I just love to finish your sentance then we can move on and talk about what I want or I can comment.
For me I think its about respect no cross talk, for me being with my abf who loved to talk while under the influence never gave me the space to say what I wanted so for me I think its great that everyone gets a chance to share uniterrupted.
It also its a good lesson that I learn everytime allow people the space to say what they want without jumping in to the end.
I love the saying 2 ears one mouth listen twice as much as you talk. Only my opinion though as i have my home group and never been to any other meetings but would imagine it would be chaos without no cross talk rule , and doesnt respect the views of quieter people who can never get their own shares or views in.
-- Edited by Zimmy on Saturday 13th of October 2012 12:19:08 AM
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What a caterpiller calls the end of the world....God calls a butterfly
I really, really support the "NO Cross Talk Rule" at meetings. I believe that living with the disease of alcoholism has caused many of us to lose our voice and ourselves. When living with this dreadful disease we begin to isolate, withdraw, walk on egg shells and become fearful of speaking our thoughts and feelings.
In addition when we do speak we are often told we are WRONG, do not know what we are saying, are crazy, and are never allowed to complete a thought or sentence.
In order to create a safe environment for people to recover it was and is essential that this rule be in place. At my meetings it is outlined at the beginning or the meeting as meaning :
We do not give advise, do not interrupt, nor do we directly comment on anyone else's share.
This allow even the most timid to ability to gain enough courage to begin to find a voice
there are some groups who encourage cross talk which always * in my opinion ends up with someone give advice * and it reminds me of the old days before recovery where a bunch of us would get together with a coffee pot and ashtray at someones kitchen table to complain about our alcoholic, which of course got us no where , cross talk interupts the person sharring often the result is they stop talking period . When i was new in this program cross talk made me feel as if what I had just sharred was wrong today I ignore it completley .. Also a chair person who feels the need to comment after every one has sharred has the same effect on me , not only does it take more time away from people who need to talk it again makes me feel like I dont have a right to my opinion on any given topic . Just my opinion Louise
I love this post and the replies...and I waited until everyone was done to say that.lol..."No cross talk" is great group principle for me for all the reasons stated here...part of our statement is that we don't include another members name in our own shares as if we are responding to or using the other's share to make our own. It's a fair and honest principle andit works. You family are awesome...Keep coming back. (((hugs)))
I showed up tp a meeting in my new town where cross talk was the normal and when I addressed it, I was met with defensiveness and out right hostility. So now I don't go to the only f2f meeting I could attend. So here I am more than I used to be at MIP and calling my sponsor.
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
The 'no cross-talk rule' has been a recent thing in 12 steps groups.