I am so ANGRY this week! - Al-Anon Family Group

stephaniej · Senior Member

I am so ANGRY this week!

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

Do something to take care of yourself and let the dishes sit a few days, no one ever died from a mountain of dishes falling on them, oh wait maybe, but the probability is very low. I have some busy hectic days with the kids, school and work and things sometimes have to get put off for a couple days before I have the time or energy to play catch up. I am even learning if I fill up my tank by doing something that takes care of me, I get alittle energy in the reserve tank to get things done with even a better attitude. Make sure you aren't neglecting yourself and find a smidge of you time doing something refreshing, it doesn't have to be extravagent just soul feeding. I like to paint my toenails, or have my 4 year old lotion my feet, go for a bike ride, read a good book for an hour of quiet time, make a call and catch up with a friend that I know will get me laughing and I spread these things out to keep myself going, I have a huge list next to my Al-anon slogan list and when I start to get overwhelmed or exhausted I tell myself go to the lists. I hope this helps. Be gentle with yourself! Sending you much love and support!

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Beating a pillow in a safe environment does the trick for me and screaming into it .. LOL!! I don't get there to much however I do get there. I sincerely empathize with what you are feeling.

I have a cd set about anger and forgiveness that I have really enjoy listening too.

So anger is a perfectly natural emotion and it IS an emotion that needs to be felt, owned and then allowed to do what all emotions should do .. let go of. Look at what you have gone through if you weren't angry I would be worried that maybe you were a robot. You are human and being human is not a bad thing. You have verbalized you don't want to release the anger in a negative way and that's great!! It needs to come out in a productive way.

It does get better!! More of it's completely NORMAL to feel what you are feeling they aren't facts they still need to be experienced.

Hugs P :)

Aloha · ~*Service Worker*~

I'm like Pushka

When I'm feeling angry and I'm recognizing it, I find a safe way to vent it.

Sometimes all I need to do is call my sponsor and rant. Some times I've had to go grab a pillow and scream into it... or beat the living daylights out of my mattress or couch. Or just go into a room and hop up and down screaming. Or scream in my car with the radio blasting.

But yeah, I've found pushing it down can lead to even worse explosions later on. I feel SO relieved after I let it out, too. My only rule for myself is just don't do it in a way that will harm another. No one else needs to suffer my wrath. haha

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

I've also spent time in the "throw a tantrum" camp. Was challenged to tantrum safely by an alcoholism counselor and tho I felt completely out of my mind the first time I did it...like I didn't know how...lol...I followed the instructions on the box and had such a good one that the next one became even more easy.

You can dress for it if you want and find a safe place so that you don't hurt yourself or others. The yelling and swearing doesn't hurt yourself or others by the way and it helps a good vent. Go outside and get ready and then swing your arms and hands around wildly and stomp your feet and jump up and down and cuss and yell and have a time limit. Breaking a blood vessel isn't part of the exercise. When you're done you're done...straighten up, brush your hair back and go do something nice; go check on a flower and talk to it by the way or take a look at cloud pattern and see if you can recognize nice stuff, funny stuff, gratitude stuff and then put on the smile and get back into your life as your want your life.

The opposite of anger is acceptance...just the fact of everything not the morality of it or the principles of it or how your ego and pride are hurt...just accept that sometimes...not all the time...sh-t happens and since they still make soap and water and toilet paper...you're gonna be okay.l

Getting angry and staying angry is like letting someone else hand you their mallet to beat yourself up with. Not Allowed!!

(((((hugs))))) smile

rehprof · ~*Service Worker*~

that which you resist persists...

you have every right to be angry...allow the feeling to come and go...I like to think about it like watching a storm...it will pass over...

I also try to recognize it when it's happening...and use humor ...like "Phew, look at me with my head spinning around...better back up...green vomit is next!" hahahaha

my personal favorite? we recycle in our state..so I have to separate soda bottles, tin, glass, etc.

smashing glass bottles on a cement floor is one of the most satisfying and cathartic things to do when I am angry...

how would you treat a friend in your shoes, who was feeling angry? -- do that for YOU

all best,

RP

likemyheart · ~*Service Worker*~

I go walking after dark and rant and rave - walking fast and furious it lets it out of me so it doesn't poison me, lets me hear the things that I am angry about, helping to define what it is that is really making me angry. I also rant in my car on the way into town, a 13 mile, 20 minute drive that lets me get most of it out without damaging anyone else.

When I was a kid, my siblings were allowed to pick on me incessantly and if I got mad, then I would get in trouble - so I have a hard time handling anger the way it is supposed to be handled. Hmm, how is it supposed to be handled? My guess is what I find myself doing a lot, getting to the root of what the anger is all about. Sometimes its just getting out on the wrong side of the bed, sometimes its hormones and sometimes there is a cause that needs to be determined, examined, acknowledged and resolved. But first the anger has to have a voice. I used to work for a stroke victim who would pace up and down the hall, frantic about whatever was eating at her until she could finally blurt out the beast so we could talk about it (she had a caregiver that was abusive but not in an overt way). Getting the anger out instead of supressing it so you can acknowledge it, which seems to help me let it go.

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

I have mentioned dark fantasies? This is provided you can have them and not act on them .. I have 50 good ones I can share :) They all involve things flying through the air, trucks burning, and mini explosions, phones doing their thing and acting up .. LOL!!

They are fun to have and I get to have a very good imagination as well as then let it go.

Hugs keep coming back, it gets better :) P :)

Freya · Veteran Member

I talk to my higher power as if he's in the room with me and I'm having a conversation. I do it out loud, telling him how I feel, why i feel so angry and what I'm struggling with. I stamp up and down if I need to, hit a pillow while I'm talking and getting it all out in a "and another thing" kind of a way!. I also imagine the person I'm angry with is in the room and then tell them out loud why I'm so angry as if they're there and listening to me. It gets it all out of my body so i can let go of the adrenaline and calm down again, that way i can move on to feeling compassion and understanding for myself and for the other person too. But I have to get it all out before I can let it go. When I stuff down my anger it comes out somewhere else and I'm exhausted. Then when I've got it all out, I have a hot bath, and let my tense muscles relax. Being angry holds me in tension and it's exhausting. Senidng hugs your way. Allowing yourself to feel anger and expressing it in a safe way isn't easy. Freya. :) (Just off for a hot bath now after a morning of letting myself feel angry and dealing with it, so I can really relate to our post!)

ilovedogs · ~*Service Worker*~

Steph, I just posted something similar last week(I think) and it was all about my anger. Shouldn't be too far down the page. The best thing I've finally learned about all my feelings is that they are FLEETING and that 'this too shall pass'. Time seems to heal things for me and gives me the best source of recovery as I step back and lick my wounds. I'm not a pillow beater or a screamer but I know I get agitated and I short with my son if I am angry, especially with AH. Hang in there, get to a meeting, and take a deep breath. Hugs!

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Stephanie - my experience was that I was most angry right before I actually left. When I was just depressed and hopeless, I thought I was stuck and had no choices. When I came to realize that I actually had a choice in the matter, that I was getting tread upon and having my boundaries crossed right and left and I didn't have to take it - I got angry.

I also felt kind of angry with myself too because, once I really came to realize that the relationship was not meant to be, every day I stayed in it was being untrue to myself. I now know that I was living in fear and that this caused me to be more miserable than just taking a flying leap into the unknown and being more authentic to myself.

However this plays out and on whatever timeline....Take a deep breath, say "Thy will be done" and know that this too will pass.

Supporting you.

orchidlover · ~*Service Worker*~

I do think alcoholism is very very hard to grasp. The absolute obsession with drinking and doing things that are self destructive is incredibly confusing. Who wouldn't be angry.

I definitely committed myself to alcoholic men more than once. I certainly had some inklings that I was going down a difficult path but I had no idea how difficult. Then I felt like I was in a place of not being able to move. I certainly think its very very difficult to wait it out till you are in a space to make a move. I think its hard to believe other people can be patient around this time but no one here is going to judge, label or condem you. At a certain point I left the ex A but I had to wait it out till I could get some of my act together. I think that my own impatience was a way to be very mean to myself when in fact I needed care and understanding. I know the care and understanding I could not give to myself I found here and in other areas of recovery. I hope you will get lots of support, care, non judgement and patience.

Maresie.

stephaniej · Senior Member

As always everyone, THANK YOU! I always learn so much from your ESH, and you are ALL right. I need to own my anger, and process it, so I can let it go. I DO think part of it is related to me being more and more ready to just move on. Part of it is that before my AH, I had zero context for alcoholism. My dad would bring home a six pack of beer MAYBE once a month, and it would last a week or more. My AH brings home a six pack, and it's a GOOD night when that's all he drinks. And he drinks every single night, without exception, at least 6 beers. I do feel angry with myself for not educating myself before marrying him. Even though he was in recovery when we reconnected, dated, and married, I knew he had a past with drinking (3 DUIs, outpatient rehab, AA, etc.). I just figured he had it all figured out. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! I honestly can't say whether I would have still married him, had I educated myself. Honestly, I probably would have. But I would have spent a lot less time blaming myself, and taking his insults and abuse to heart. So much wasted time. I know I need to forgive myself for that, and to release it to the universe and live for today. I'm working on that.

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