The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Welcome back. You've gotten some great suggestions. Maybe by setting even small boundaries for others in the house, you would be able to expand the ME time. Anyone can be empowered to take care of themselves a bit even those in our care who might seem still immature or frail. I'm not speaking of infants or adults with limited capacity to address their own needs, but we, Alanons have been know to do it all and not ask for help from those we are helping. We can hand some responsibility back to the person to whom it belongs. Even if it's just asking someone to be patient or to wait. Why wouldn't I? For me, it's always about my motive. What's my payoff? Thanks for sharing. This is great topic and one many of us wrestle with. Keep coming back for recovery with us. Hugs. TT
-- Edited by tiredtonite on Wednesday 10th of October 2012 07:13:57 AM
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
I first joined alanon ten years ago and it helped me tremendously in some ways, well, in the ways that I applied the program. Like many first time alanoners, I mostly came to whine and complain about my A and hope to get some tips on how to deal with a hopeless A. Well, I did get that in the casual conversations I had with people before and after meetings, and it helped a lot. I found ways to ignore the loving hints that I should be working on myself unfortunately. I wasn't the problem I thought. Old timers kept on finding some discreet and also not so discreet, hahaha, ways of trying to help me realize that alcolism is a FAMILY disease. I felt this was still putting the blame on me and it continued to fall on deaf ears.
Eventually I left alanon when my A got physically sick and stopped drinking. Then the REAL fun started! My identity was no longer the saintly long suffering wife of a hardened A. I hardly knew who I was! My own spiritual sickness became evident to not only myself but to my A as well. He even asked me "now who are you going to blame for your problems"?
It's been a long road but I have been humbled and I am back...back to learn the real alanon program. I now realize that the principles of alanon are for life and I intend to put them in place in my life forever...
Due to recently becoming part of the "sandwhich generation" caring for not only children, but caring full time for an aging parent as well, I can no longer attend in person alanon meetings, so I have opted for this online group. As I read and come to know all of you I will be looking for a sponser soon.
Now that I have so much more on my plate, I am even more burn out and running on empty than before. My former sponser used to always urge me to "take care of me". How do I find the time for that? I barely have time to brush my teeth!
I will start at the beginning. Perhaps some of you can share quick and simple ways you have of taking care of you...but practical suggestions. I am still at the beginning of my spiritual journey, I am not yet at the reading and thinking stage. Any practical suggestions for starting my healing by "taking care of me"?
Glad your here with us, I think all of us have at sometimes not taking care of our needs. I never took care of me just the abf the family friends etc, but I did it not because I wanted to but because I was a martyr or that they would owe me or love me. I gave with strings attached, which made me so resentful. The idea of taking time out for me was a strange concept!
But now I take 10 mins if I feel that I am getting overwhelmed and getting into stinky thinking, resentment because i do everything..lol. I take myself upstairs and meditate or read some alanon litrature, pray or use my affirmations. It's not along time but its enough to get some perspective and change how im thinking.
I think that its important to get this time when i need it, or ask the family to do things that are needed, I dont need to run around like a blue ass fly I just need to ask for what I need. I cannot expect the people around me to know what it is i want from them if i dont tell them or ask.
Delegation is the key for me we are a team and I need to remind myself of this often.
I think by coming on here and reading other posts thats me taking care of me. I also think once we start taking time for what we need it becomes easier, I dont feel selfish as I need to take this time to be a better mum, girlfriend, sister, daughter, friend.
Love
Simone
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What a caterpiller calls the end of the world....God calls a butterfly
I am really struggling with self-care right now. Because I get no financial support from my ex A, I have to work extra to make ends meet. Typically, I work 60 hours +...then come home to laundry, kids' homework, yardwork, house repairs, dishes, housework, paying bills...and often feel overwhelmed.
As I write, I am exhausted and have a cold. I have papers that need to be graded and returned to students...but I've decided they are going to have to wait. If returning papers late is the worst thing I do in my life, well so be it. I have to let go of my need to do everything WELL. Sometimes adequate, (not perfect), is enough.
When my head is spinning, and I can't even FIND my to do list, I try to just sit for a moment and collect myself. I do 7-11 breathing -- breathing in for a count of 7 and out for a count of 11....
and honestly, ODAT is what is getting me through, or even OHAT (one hour at a time!) as well as the slogan "progress not perfection" -- and I hope I can get back to having time to journal and work the steps and see my counselor..all things that help me stay on track with self-care...
Do at least 1 thing for your physical health, mental health, and spiritual health daily. No ifs, ands, or buts....make time because you are important and deserve it.
I am so glad you are back and I love your open vulnerable post! I read a few different daily readers (Hope for Today, One Day at a Time, Courage to Change) they all have great Al-anon slogans and quotes to incorporate into your thinking each day. It is a small gift I give myself most mornings and it does make a differnece. Sending you much love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
I try to get outside, even for 10 minutes helps me. Or I do a few minutes of mindless online games. Or I come to this website and read. Taking care of yourself is a lot about attitude. Whatever you feel is important is taking care of yourself. Maybe having a clean kitchen floor is your big thing? Then do it and be proud of it and relax and stare at how great it looks. Maybe it is having your financial details taken care of every month. Take care of yourself by doing a good job and not having to worry about getting it all done on time. Attitude and good self esteem is most important.
Thank you SO much for the warm welcome and great suggestions on how to start learning to take care of me. I am going to combine a lot of these great suggestions and do at least one thing for my physical health, like eating right or exercising, one thing for my mental health, like going outside and getting some sun or making sure I have a good schedule for getting my laundry done so I don't stress over it, and one thing for my spiritual health, like reading the Bible, my self help psychology books, or my alanon literature if I can somehow find it in storage..for at least 10 minutes everyday for a combination of 30 minutes a day. WOW, thats going to be tough, but I am determined to find 30 minutes a day for me! I spend more than 30 minutes a day taking care of others, so somehow I am going to try really hard to give myself 30 minutes also!
Thanks so much!!!
Anyone want to join me a committment to take 30 minutes every single day to take care of ourselves? Ten minutes on each of the three ways we nourish ourselves, physically, mentally, and spiritually(emotionally). These 3 ten minute tasks can be anything you feel will nourish yourself.
I'll post here how I did tomorrow. If I dont make a committment and am not accountable to someone, it probably won't happen. So please keep me accountable!
I can relate very much. I know I had to back track a great deal to get to a place of taking care of me. What did that mean, how could I get there. I am certainly on a journey to get there.
Looking forward to your post tomorrow