Hi Rick3358 and welcome to the MIP board. We had to handle our AD (alcoholic daughter) in the same way three years ago. It was very difficult to detach with love, but after watching her get two DUIs in less than a year's time and then knowing that she was still drinking, we told her it was time for to go. I'm happy to share that three years later, after she left to live with her older sister in another state, she is back in our area with a job and her newly regained driver's license. I'm hoping that she will continue on this positive path. I hope that you have looked into going to an Al-Anon meeting for parents. For me, this was very helpful when I was dealing feelings of guilt and feeling like I had failed as a parent. Sending you lots of hope and support right now.

 

 

Aloha Rick...((((hugs))))...It's okay.  What you're going thru is stricktly Alcoholism getting its own way and no body else getting their expectations met.  I learned a term long ago dealing with the same thing you are doing now..."Tough Love"...great tool used with in the program.   I divorced my own son...he was drinking and using and doing his own alcoholic/addict thing and not taking care of his own needs or participating in our needs and I was going thru "it" again..."It" means crazy and I had already broken free of that with his step mother so I had the experiences of how and what to do and the experiences of what it is like when that works...grateful beyond words to HP and the program for that.  I stayed in love with him like I stayed in love with his step mother and allowed them the dignity of their choices and of course mine.  He would call to "talk"  ..."Dad I'm in the emergency"...."What's happened?"...."I was stabbed"...."Is it fatal?"...."Great!! call me when you're out and on the heal". (2 events like that...didn't change my script...just duplicated the time before and continued on course.   "Dad...I need to talk with you but I don't want you to say anything".   LOLOLOL   He comes over and vents all over the front yard and the yard furniture and trees and birds and stuff and when he is done he just looks at me and I ask..."are you done?"  and I go silent and he waits and then asks me "Well aren't you gonna say anything"?   LOL...Crazy making is often also funny making...alcoholic/addicts are just like ducks...They waddle when they walk, often look soooo cute...just quack everything up.   It took alot of time and work for my son to get clean and sober.  He isn't program sane and thats because I'm the only one in program.  He came into the rooms once when it was suggested and he was in crises; which at times is often and perverse and when the group was done he said, "Yeah it's good you guys have something like this to go to...you need it"...The truth often is very funny right?.

So Tough Loving your son out of your door and into God's door is okay...there is a God and that HP holds all of us in just one hand...not to worry.  HP will do HP's thing,  You do yours and your son has got to start doing his.

Oh when my son asked if he could come back later...I said "ask me then".  He got the message.

When you're in your meetings think of all of us and your HP sitting around you also.  Keep coming back (((((hugs)))))

Our son just got his first DUI.  He is 22 and lives at home. i was concerned about his drinking somewhat before....but the DUI sure woke us up to realize there is a definate problem

Welcome and as a parent of young children, already learning how to set boundaries, I worry as alcoholism runs wildly through my ex's family. We talk all the time of the dangers and they get it now at the ages of 16, 14 and 9 but I know the power of alcohol, I've seen it too much and all it takes the right place, right time to get them started. I pray it won't affect my kids but I pay close attention to those going through it so I learn all I can. I think you are showing your son love by allowing him to find out for himself how to care for himself. It may take him further down first before he finds his way up, but stay strong. I have a lot of compassion for what you are going through.