The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Working that for me is a program suggestion to be taken literally. Self care for me is self care first before I try to care for others since that is where my imbalance was...I did most for all and none for me. Self care is taking care of the manager, president and ceo of your life. Self care is taking care of your plan for your life. Look at it literally and then do it that way. Good question for us all to look at. ((((hugs))))
For me, self care means doing the things that are good for me. Like making myself a real meal instead of just having a sandwich & chips. Like taking some time out every day to do something that I like, just for me. Like finding time to meditate and exercise even when I'm busy with other things. Like thinking about myself first instead of worrying about and trying to ¨help¨ other people. It sounds selfish but it makes my life better. It makes me a better person and that's good for the people around me too.
Pineapple - how do you do those things when the AH is sitting right there mocking you or making snide comments? So much of what I want to do it right here in my living room and kitchen. Right where he is too most of the time. UGH, just so frustrating sometimes.
Self Care for me means I start me day with the serenity prayer, read the C2C, keep the focus on myself, I stay within my self and take care of my feelings as they arise. If I am angry. I make an alanon call, lonely I get to a meeting, tired rest, hungry eat a healthy meal. I relax with yoga and exercise by walking an hour a day. Each one of these are my focus each day.
I also make sure I take care of my responsibilities like cooking, cleaning, laundry shopping all the time monitoring my inner life and nurturing my spiritual self with the serenity prayer or the slogans.
I do all this regardless of others opinion. They can sit and watch TV ,try to argue with me, laugh at my efforts--- I am detached and single minded in my purpose.
When I have done this I am able to give to others without expectations, with compassion and love
Overall to me it means I put myself, my happiness, my health and my serenity first in my life. I have kids so that's hard, I need them to come even before that since they are still all minors. But for once in my life I say "yes" to myself more, I take my health seriously, I do things that feed my soul (horse riding, fun time with friends, reading, etc) and I don't feel guilt for any of that anymore. I know I'm worth taking care of and being good to and its great. And I don't beat up on myself for not being perfect. I either allow what's going on to be OK or I learn from it or a set a boundary, be it for me, for my kids or for anyone else.
NovSun, It's easier to do since my A left in August. Even when he was here he was usually too drunk to notice or care what I was doing. On the occasions when he did mock, or start his drunk, rambling, talking AT me I would leave and go somewhere else, do something else. Walk the dogs, work in my garden, whatever. It was difficult at first but got easier with practice.
If self-care is difficult with the A in the room making fun of you, then maybe self-care consists of one of you being elsewhere. That can have a shortterm meaning (you take the tea into another room, or go to a coffeeshop), or a longterm meaning (you ask him to move out). Sometimes when minor changes aren't enough, we have to make larger ones.
I used to think self-care was about luxurious baths and trips to the spa, when I could afford the time and the cost. While that stuff isn't bad, it didn't quite cover all the bases. Since this is a dis-ease of mind, body, and spirit, self-care, for me, must include healthy attention to of these.
I care for my MIND by reading recovery material daily. After all, ours is a thinking dis-ease and for me to recover from the effects of alcoholism, I need to hear the message often. Meetings are mandatory for me. and I also keep positive posts around the house, on my mirror, computer, etc.
I give gratitude to Higher power for my amazing BODY and care for it through exercise and good nutrition
And for me, caring for my SPIRIT is a matter of first things first. I begin and end my day with prayer and meditation. a daily walk outdoors also has a soothing effect on my spirit.
When any of these are out of balance, I feel it. They all require my attention. Thanks for the post!
-- Edited by glad lee on Wednesday 10th of October 2012 10:08:08 AM
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
Self care to me is waking up and spending quiet time with my HP and reading my daily readers. Eating healthy, exercising and taking the time to listen and feel my feelings. I can get too busy and hectic easily and have to remind myself to slow down and enjoy my life with my kids. I used to always be running in crisis mode and everything was a big deal and with Al-anon I now can take a deep breath and sometimes even laugh about the little things that just happen. I have learned to take good care of myself and it is a tremendous difference in the energy I have, not wasting it all in my head emotionally draining myself. Sending you much love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
