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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Big Changes Coming
Post Info TOPIC: Big Changes Coming
WornOutMrsFixIt


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Big Changes Coming
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I paid all of the bills for August and September even though I had been run out of my home by an alcoholic bully. I have scraped and juggled like a circus clown to keep things up to date. So this month, things will be different. I did it!! I'm so proud of myself! I took over all of the household bills for the month of October and told my AH they were his to deal with. I don't live there and I'm not using the electricity, cable, internet or water so he can pay those. I will handle all of the non-household bills. In relation to our salaries, things are pretty equal.

This should be interesting. He has gotten used to just doing the bare minimum at work (he works on commission) and all he knows is that everything has been paid. He goes to the store, swipes his debit card and voila, the money is there. If he overdraws, I am the one awake at night figuring out how to cover it. This month I don't intend to use our checking account at all. I plan to just keep my paycheck and pay my bills and he can sink or swim on his own salary. If he doesn't pay, they can disconnect. If he overdraws, he can figure it out.

I had to do something. My stress level in trying to handle all of the finances without a partner who was helping was causing the anxiety attacks that I have struggled with for years to return with a vengenance. I got some advice the last time I posted on here that I have to face the fact that I may lose some material things but my health and peace is more important. I decided that made a lot of sense so here we go . . .  big changes are coming. 



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"Just being there for someone can sometimes bring hope when all seems hopeless." - Dave G Llewellyn
Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

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Wow good for you!!! It's so true. I sit here in my simple one room cabin on an acre. My life is so much calmer, I am only responsible for me. I would rather live in nice jeans and pretty blouses and sweaters, than to have to wear some name brand stuff.

Actually the outside becomes even more precious. The trees, rivers, the ocean, the weather are what I find beauty in, not the best vehicle, fance restaurants etc.

The face no one is sick, or hurting or manipulating, gripine, yelling, blaming, lying, taking....ugh.

Geez my seven dogs, four cats, eight guinea pigs, one goat, one pot bellied pig....are MUCH quieter and better companians than trying to live with the A.

I hope you sit back and enjoy your serenity. I don't know if the bills are in both your names? You might want to check. If there is ever a good day, you might see if A will take your name off the bills since you no longer live there. Worth a try!

You will so enjoy what you have just done for yourself. I hope you can make where you live YOUR little home. Your sanctuary.

Hugs and hugs,debilyn



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Jerry F


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And that is how it works when you work it.  Taking responsibility for WOMFI and her choices...what a concept!!  I also loved that lesson when I arrived at it in Al-Anon.  It even helped me to relate to the collectors who called from time to time until the bills due went to zero.  Mine I took care of...Her's...I have no idea how they settled.   Keep coming back ((((hugs)))) smile



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TrudyS85


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What a great post and such a good reminder for me. I too am untangling myself from my AH, and while hard, I have to remember to step back and see that even though our relationship is exploding, for the most part my days are much more peaceful, calmer. I think I confuse loneliness with love and am trying to learn that's not the case. Just because I am lonely doesn't mean I need him in my life, the loneliness will pass. Finances are such a hard one and one I too am trying to figure out but at least without him nagging in my ear all the time and without the daily stress of living with Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde I am at least able to think calmly about how best to handle things. Keep the faith, hugs and prayers ts

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ts85
Breakingfree


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Sounds awesome to me. Nice to see you working your program and finding ways to bring much needed serenity. Sending you much love and support on your journey!

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tiredtonite


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Great job taking care of yourself. You had the decency to tell him about the changes rather than simply pulling the rug out from under because you could. For me, that's what loving support looks like in Alanon - not leading with resentment when trying to honoring myself first.  You're right, the rest will be up to him. Thanks for sharing your progress.  Hugs.  TT 



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Pushka


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Hugs,

It is such a good feeling to let go and allow the other person to be responsible for their own choices and consequences that being said .. it's HARD!! Stay very close to your program and your sponsor, it's a wonderful road to walk I know for me I keep wanting to pick it all back up and try to fix, manage and control the situation.

Sending sooo much love and support to you, so glad to share this journey with you!!

Hugs P :)

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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
rehprof


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I'm SO proud of you!!! This is a hard process...

Keep up the good work.



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