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Did ya Ever have One of those Days where While Trying to Pull Yourself Up Out of Your Pity Pot: It Seems Every Moment of the Day is Doomed to Keep ya there?
Well thats My Last 3 days in a Nut shell... I have been Prayin on it, Stayin on it, and STILL can't Pin Point the Exact Nature of My Woo's... I have so Much Going on I Feel Like Life has a Strangle Hold on Me! My Emotions are in Over drive, the Cody in Me just wants to make everything better for Everyone else, and Yet I Feel Like Dog Dooo...
I have Stayed True to My Soberity, and To Myself, and I don't know but the One Lady from my Home Group I Speak to Many times a Week, has been Out of Town for the Last 3 weeks and I think thats Part of it! Missing Her Happiness, Joy & Comfort & Her Program... Her Encouagement & Faith... AND... Since she has been Gone I have Only been Able to get to ONE Meeting due to my Insane Up & Down Schedule!
I Feel Like an Idiot Most Days Complaining about my Life, when I know there are others that have it Much More Bad off then I! But When Every Sentence Brings me to Tears, I just don't know how to Get a Grip! Can't Even Answer the Business Line without wanting to Cry! And God For Bid a Tel-a-Marketer Call (Which is about 5 times daily) They Really Get a Piece of it! lol
I Love Fall & this Time of Year, but Tend to Get More Depressed as Winter Comes closer! So I Do Try to Stay Up beat, but my Beat has falling to a Small Pecking Noise, and its Few & far between!
I Suppose its time to Tear back into my Daily Readers Like a Mad Women, If I"m going to be able to Come up out of an Overwhelming Whirl pool of things.. I haven't even Had the energy to pick up a Book in Weeks, when I Finally get a second I tend to Sleep thru it! And I am Gettin My Normal Sleep so I don't Understand it! I Need to Rebuild My ZEST! I Need an Up in the Air Wonderful Day! Just ONE, So as I Don't feel like Its ALL This Bad!
Now I Know that Most of things are Out of My Control, Some are Just Life, and Others are Choices I don't have the desire to Move thru but I know I have too! Its Coming up on So Many Sad Memory's this time of Year, and Maybe thats it too... Wish I Knew a Way to Snap My fingers & just Rise above!
And Sadly I thought I was Hiding it Pretty well, but a Friend of Mine got ahold of me today and Said she knows there is something going on and when i'm ready to talk she is there to listen! So it must be Pretty Noticeable because that hasn't happened before... I can Normally Fake my way thru about anything, but sadly, I don't want too... I just want it to PASS... This to Shall Pass! This to Shall Pass! Guess I am Learning Yet again, just how Powerless I am to this Craziness! I Know its in HP's Hands but Boy.... HP has more Faith in Me then I Do Currently, and I'm just Praying... It Pass Very Soon!
Thanks for letting me Share! Sorry for the Length of Glume! :'(
I can Normally Fake my way thru about anything, but sadly, I don't want too... I just want it to PASS... This to Shall Pass! This to Shall Pass! Guess I am Learning Yet again, just how Powerless I am to this Craziness! I Know its in HP's Hands but Boy.... HP has more Faith in Me then I Do Currently, and I'm just Praying... It Pass Very Soon!
Jozie
Dear Jozie Thanks for your honest share. I know that there are times when we are human and the "Blues just set in" Going with it, using the tools, gratitude lists, daily readers helps some but most times it helps me to know that I wll be OK. Just keep showing up this will pass.
It might be time for another 4 th Step on the issues that are the sad memories.Just talking this over with your friend may be HPs suggestion and the true answer. I have often thought as you have "I wish HP did not trust that I could handle so much" Of coarse the answer is that we are not alone and with His Power we succeed.
Aloha Sis...Wow!! how about that for a suggestion...Hotrod's do and inventory? That for me always works and I was gonna suggest HALT? and if you have the AA/BB (AA/Big Book) 3rd edition go to page 449 and glom on to Dr. Paul's share about acceptance and what he discovered in it. For me feeling down is a choice...I can choose to feel down or up or try to feel nuthin however I love feeling up regardless of what it going on around me and my HP loves watching me practice that cause then I stay in the game. I don't have to do it by myself because HP puts all sorts of people, places and things out in front of tme to keep me up and positive only one of which this morning was a young girl walking around the garden area I maintain at a hotel I've contracted and she came near to talk to me about how excited she was to see all the different things she saw in the garden. She was so dramatic and expressive that she caused me to bubble just watching her act out her discovery. LOL...sweeeeet!! Mahalo Akua for that little flower you put in the garden this morning just to capture my attention and keep it in serenity. She was just a pixie!!
I'm really glad I read your post because it's helped me feel less alone concerning these feelings. I've decided to blame it on the full moon. It's < you're fault. Then there's the changing of the season. Two days ago it felt like summer, yesterday it felt like a winter storm was coming and it's so dark when I wake up to go to work in the mornings now. This all happened without my permission! I hate the winter! I do like the fall. I've got a few outcomes I'm waiting on too and they can be worrisome if I don't stay present and try to take deep breaths and try to find ways of nurturing myself. Like you, I was weepy at work just felt overwhelmed. Geez how to stop that feeling when I have to face people when I would prefer to just hide! Luckily, it has passed now. I have to keep reminding myself to turn off the projector about the future and like you, remember that hp is taking care of me. I try to use this little trick when I remember to do it, it does actually help. I kinda forgot about it earlier this week! Maybe it will help you too. I try to take a deep breath and believe this is my hp that is filling my whole being with serenity, I hold that breath momentarily, release it and believe as I breathe outward, my hp is taking all the insanity I'm feeling from me. Just don't do it too many times at work because you'll feel like you need a nap. lol Anyway, I hope you are on your way to feeling a little better. Happy Friday Jozie! Hugs! TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Yesterday was a really rough day for me - son relapsed, I got down right nasty & hurtful toward him, etc, etc....then with a little inventory searching, I realized that I was in a total brain fog, full of anger & resentment toward him for bringing the alcoholism problem into my home -- having had 23yrs of sobriety with one short relapse, I'm finding that my continued sobriety is threatened in that I'm thinking about drinking a lot.
So I got my behind in the car & went to an AA meeting - haven't been there for years cuz I thought I was all better -- ended up doing 2 meetings yesterday and have more planned for today. I've been so consumed with my Al-anon side that I've neglected my A side and there is tremendous clashing going on....don't understand it all just yet but hopefully I can gain some clarity and get myself centered again.
< you're fault. Then there's the changing of the season. Two days ago it felt like summer, yesterday it felt like a winter storm was coming and it's so dark when I wake up to go to work in the mornings now. This all happened without my permission! 
I hate the winter! I do like the fall. I've got a few outcomes I'm waiting on too and they can be worrisome if I don't stay present and try to take deep breaths and try to find ways of nurturing myself. Like you, I was weepy at work just felt overwhelmed. Geez how to stop that feeling when I have to face people when I would prefer to just hide! Luckily, it has passed now. I have to keep reminding myself to turn off the projector about the future and like you, remember that hp is taking care of me. I try to use this little trick when I remember to do it, it does actually help. I kinda forgot about it earlier this week! Maybe it will help you too. I try to take a deep breath and believe this is my hp that is filling my whole being with serenity, I hold that breath momentarily, release it and believe as I breathe outward, my hp is taking all the insanity I'm feeling from me. Just don't do it too many times at work because you'll feel like you need a nap. lol Anyway, I hope you are on your way to feeling a little better. Happy Friday Jozie! Hugs! TT