It is part of a longer AA promise, however it's the promise that applies to me as I work my own program of recovery in Alanon. 

It is a process and sometimes I'm a fast forgetter and a slow learner and other times I fall down Alice's rabbit hole of recovery going WTH happened and pop out and go WOW .. what a ride!!  Can I do that again?  Soon, please??

I am so very grateful for this board and for all of the wise people on here, sometimes I just talk to hear myself talking because it's exactly what I need to be doing in my own life.  As I have mentioned in the past .. the God of my understanding has a truly wicked sense of humor and that works for me.  It's not punishing .. it's loving and sometimes I really do need that extra knock to go oh yes .. you up there .. thank you for always walking with me even when I think you are not there.  Or yes, you now have my attention .. LOL!!  I'm listening and I've stopped talking. 

Where I find the God of my understanding is through my own experiences, through the people here on the boards, so many people post something that touches me deeply, sometimes it's a primary post, sometimes it's a response, the shares that happen in the rooms of alanon at the f2f meetings.  

Sometimes I still need to touch that stove to see if it's still hot and boy oh boy, .. it is and I remember why. 

What I have learned here and in the almost 2 years of going to meetings is that I can trust myself to make good decisions even if it scares the crap out of me.  Sometimes they are good outcomes and sometimes not so much, whatever the outcomes I have learned about personal responsibility on a new and blinding level of acceptance.  My truth is that any given situation I always have a choice.  It may not be a choice I want to make, it may not be an easy choice, .. I always have a choice.  I also do not have to have the answer right this second.  If someone says something to me that I question if I should respond or not .. I have the right to say let me think about it and get back to them. 

I am still struggling with the aspect of weilding the sword of justice.  It is not my right and yet it's where I find safety.  Someone hurts me I will strike back in a way that will shock them and in a way that they least expect.  Always in a way that is appropriate for that specific situation.  It's a character defect that is an asset in dealing with this divorce situation.  I'm actually hoping that after this is all said and done I can put it away or completely let go of it.  I trust I will be able to find safety in a new way. 

My therapist often laughs at me and says .. honey, .. the man is not going to out think you.  He doesn't have the capability to do so, even on a good day.  So when are  you going to realize that even on him having dumb luck you don't need to put so much energy into out thinking him.  What could I do with that kind of time?  I'm sure I could write a novel and become famous .. lol.  I know my house would be cleaner and that's getting better.  Now i don't focus so much on out thinking him I DO focus on my responses to those situations. 

Every day I am seeing things that I have not noticed before and learning things about myself in leaps and bounds that is humbling.  I always aspired to be perfect.  I'm a frustrated perfectionist. What that means to me is I get paralyzed in trying to do anything if it doesn't look picture perfect why bother becomes my attitude. 

With the blessings of the rooms of Alanon, this board, defining the God of my understanding, it has been just an amazing ride and continues to awe and humble me in new ways. 

Hugs P :) 

(((((Pushka)))))  LOL...When the students are ready the teacher arrives...truely a good..hmmmm..very good ESH share.  Honest and generous.  Mahalo ((((hugs))))