The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
AH has slipped out of sobriety. Today drove home buzzed, legally intoxicated I'm sure.
This time around I feel like I'll be able to handle it better. He clearly has a problem that I have nothing to do with.
My hard boundaries:
I won't be around him while he's drunk.
I won't allow my kids to be alone with him while he's drunk.
I don't know what the future will bring. The peacefulness of sobriety is gone, now. It was nice, but I've been down this road before.
The next DUI will probably bring jail time, more fines, loss of job, etc. That is probably a hard boundary, too. Really don't think I can live through another one of those.
Good for you for being more prepared mentally and working on acceptance. I understand how you feel about the DUI thing. My AH has the ignition interlock on his car from his DUI a few months ago and I don't think I could handle another one. Mine did jail time for his first one, too. But, you know what? We don't have a crystal ball and focusing on the present is the best gift we can give ourselves today. None of us knows what the future will bring. Hang in there, you're doing great!
You will know when you are ready. For me, I didn't even want to wait for that DUI. I was tired of the constant unemployment, never having enough money, and him being so drunk around my kids that he couldn't walk or talk. I did not want my children to be exposed to that, and was afraid that the longer they saw it, the more likely they would be to grow up to be alcoholics as well. Plus I realized that I can't even afford to support myself and my three kids on what I make as a teacher (with student loans, a car note, a mortgage, daycare bill, etc.), so paying his bills too was really dragging me even deeper into a financial hole. A DUI would have done us in completely, especially if it involved an accident with someone else and we were to get sued. Now it is his problem if it happens. And I am praying it does- although without hurting anyone or their property! That's the only way he will get sober. Detox, AA, none of it has worked, and unfortunately he has a family that enables and protects him from the consequences of his actions.
