The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The hardest thing about my brother being an addict and homeless is that I miss him terribly. I wish I could see him. I notice myself seeing a homeless person on the street and hoping it was my brother. I just wish I could call him and hear his voice, see him and give him a hug and pray with him. I can't stand it, it's just too much. Nobody should have to go through this. I feel like just to get through the day of school and work I have to fake it till I make it and it is so hard to keep a smile on my face when nothing else seems to matter. How do you live your life when you feel like you have lost your only sibling. I have no way of seeing him exept by driving around to the spots where he stays but I know thats not good for me. This grief is too much to bear. I'm trying to be strong for him, but it is so hard. So many sleepless nights. I pray endlessly but it has been so long and nothing is changing, I'm still in pain and my brother is still a homeless addict. The last time he was homeless it took a little over a week and he was over it and into recovery. why is this taking so long this time? I trust my HP and know it is all in God's time, but I just keep waiting for my brother to come home and choose recovery. The holidays are coming up and I'm scared this will be the first time he won't be there. How do you get through this? I feel like I'm doing all I can do to helpe myself and its still so hard. I'm going to meetings and made an appointment with my counselor. I'm the only sibling in the Al anon meeting, also the only person in my 20's everyone else is a parent or significant other so I sometimes feel alone. Me and my brother were best friends, I feel such a huge hole in my heart without him. I'm trying to take care of myself. I know staying in the negative is not going to help me or my brother, so I try and focus on positive thoughts and pray; envisioning him healthy and sober. It doesn't always work as you can see. Sorry for the pity party but I needed it, thanks.
(((((Sam)))))....yeppers that sucks. He's addicted to drugs and had made the choice to use them or is letting the drug addiction make the choice for him. He has chosen to leave and be with other people...users...and to use with them, where they are at and at the times they use. You didn't cause this, can't control it and will not cure it. Its not about you its about disease and your life still needs to go on. I learned to accept when my wife was missing...out there drinking and using...accept the disease and what it does and I loved her with understanding (tks to AFG) and then with compassion. It was killing her and I stopped it from killing me before my time and in full insanity...ugh I was sick and wanting to die!!. When she would leave she would clean out the bank accounts to make sure she had enough money to buy what she wanted to drink and use without caring about the rest of the family...that is what addicts and alcoholics do and its not in anyway right or good...still that is what happens; I had to accept the "what happens" part and not get lodged in the morality of it. Addiction isn't a moral issue or a rational one.
When I learned to trust God I stopped praying so hard and so often and my wife became only one of the people I prayed for. God doesn't work harder and faster because I want the alcoholic/addict to have and do something she doesn't want to have and do. God's will, my will, the alcoholic/addict's will. Trusting for me was letting it go and letting God...working that slogan into my life and getting off of my alcoholic/addicts back so she could live lighter. Our literature tells me that "I would say that I wanted everything good to work out for my alcoholic but wouldn't get off of her back". That was me and I use to do that while saying "but don't you know I loooove you"? Anyway loving the alcoholic/addict very often is to allow them the dignity of the consequences for their choices. Today that is how I love...unconditionally. Keep coming back cause the program works when your work it. ((((hugs))))
Thanks for your share,
I know for me, being a 20-something in al-anon was sometimes intimidating and lonely. Over time though, the more I went to meetings I found the easier it got and it seemed that my age wasn't really a factor.
Now, I'm the GR of my group and have spoken at open meetings several times and I'm only 28.
There is a book called 'when all you have is hope' by Frank O'dea. He tells his story of going from homeless addict that was abused to the founder of 'second cup', a coffee chain in Canada. Very powerful story. You should give it a read :)
